Blotter o’ the Week: A police officer caught a shoplifter by chasing him into a briar patch. As soon as the shoplifter entered the briar patch, he stopped running and lay down on the ground.
Weird Vandalism o’ the Week: A woman walked out her front door one morning to discover that someone had rubbed lotion and baby powder all over her car.
Somebody stole a massive revolver capable of shooting shotgun shells from a car’s glove box. When asked whether he had locked the doors, the owner of the car and the gun replied, “I can’t honestly remember.”
A woman got annoyed with a man who kept trying to talk to her at a restaurant, so she dumped a pitcher of margarita on him.
Somebody broke into a vehicle and stole a radio, a tool bag, and a cordless drill, but left behind a chainsaw that was later found on the ground outside the vehicle.
Bro o’ the Week: A USC fraternity brother who said he was in town for a “formal” was seen stumbling down the sidewalk around 1:30 a.m. with his tuxedo hanging open unbuttoned. The bro said he had been drinking, but that he just wanted to have a good time. Then he asked the cop if he wanted to have a good time. The officer searched the bro and found a half-gram of cocaine in a plastic baggie, which the bro explained he only uses “because of all the pressure from everyone.” He also claimed he had consumed 36 alcoholic beverages that evening.
Somebody broke into a high school annex building and stole five archery bows and an air rifle.
A cop woke a man up who was sleeping in his vehicle and discovered that he had a bag of something green and leafy in the car. When he asked the man what it was, the man replied, “Oh, that’s just a little bit of weed. Can you just throw it out? Don’t worry about that.” The officer did worry about it and slapped the man with a citation for possession.
Somebody broke into a lineman’s car and stole his waterproof jacket and equipment for climbing power poles. Must’ve gotten a charge out of that theft.
Weapon o’ the Week: A lit cigarette pressed into an ex-boyfriend’s arm.
In the biggest weed bust of the week, police found 66 grams of marijuana in a man’s car. Why did the officer pull the car over in the first place? Unreadable license plate.
A Massachusetts college ordered a new clock from a Charleston-area bell foundry company in July 2013 and wrote them a check for $4,650, but the foundry never delivered the clock, so the college is pressing charges. Sounds like it’s time to find a new clockmaker.
Somebody stole an entire two-ton air conditioning unit from behind a house. In other words, be on the lookout for an extremely ripped junkie copper thief.
A customer used a counterfeit $20 bill to buy a pita wrap. At least he didn’t try to pay in gyros.
Stolen From Homes This Week: A pistol, 60 pieces of jewelry worth $6,500, a 42-inch plasma TV, a Bluetooth music player, 10 salad forks, 15 dinner forks, 16 tea spoons, and eight soup spoons.
After getting punched in the nose for screaming the N-word on a busy sidewalk, a man said to police, “Don’t I have freedom of speech? I don’t like them, and I have freedom of speech.”
Charming Late-Night Anecdote o’ the Week: An officer wrote in an incident report, “It should be noted, the offender stated, ‘I’m not that drunk,’ as she slid off the curb onto the sidewalk in a sprawling manner.”
Public Urination Excuse o’ the Week: A man who was caught peeing on a fence beside an apartment building said, “I couldn’t hold it anymore. What did you want me to do, piss myself?”
Weed Stash o’ the Week: Inside a wading boot.
Support the Charleston City Paper
We’ve been covering Charleston since 1997 and plan to be here with the latest and Best of Charleston for many years to come. In a time where local journalism is struggling, the City Paper is investing in the future of Charleston as a place where diverse, engaging views can flourish. We can't do it without our readers. If you'd like to support local, independent journalism: