Summer is shoving your face into a fruit the size of your head. It’s a seed-spitting contest at a backyard barbecue. It’s wondering if that one seed you accidentally swallowed will germinate in your stomach. It’s bright green and even brighter pink. Summer is watermelon.
1. Grease it. And then throw that sucker in a pool and commence trying to pick up the slippery beast. This pastime blows Marco Polo out of the water — and, yes, we are aware of our pun.
2. Chop it. You can find countless recipes for watermelon-based salsas on the internet. Heck, throw a party dedicated to the fruit and you’ll have the perfect appetizer.
3. Salt it. With all the margaritas you’re probably going to drink this sweltering season, you’ve got to mix things up a bit. And pink is such a beautiful color for a cocktail.
4. Blend it. Minors and recovering alcoholics can enjoy frozen watermelon beverages too. Make yourself a smoothie instead.
5. Weaponize it. There is nothing more terrifying than a 20-pound orb hurtling through the air toward your head.
6. Seduce it. Citrulline, an amino acid, stimulates nitric oxide, which relaxes the blood vessels. Why should you care? Because it can have the same effect as a dose of Viagra. Oh, those summer nights. (Hint: Citrulline is found close to the rind.)
7. Make performance art with it. It’s time someone revived Gallagher’s act. Or at least Gallagher Too’s.