Theaters may be closed but you can still catch these current flicks on demand 

Stuck-inside Cinema

click to enlarge Somebody please get Vin Diesel some eye drops

Courtesy Columbia Pictures

Somebody please get Vin Diesel some eye drops

As of this writing, Charleston cinemas, like everywhere else, have shuttered. Some movie nerds would take umbrage with The Man labeling movie theaters "non-essential." At this point, we may as well take advantage of this cabin fever by binge watching that one engrossing series everyone is excitedly yakking about. When the nation comes down from its collective Tiger King/latest Ozark-induced euphoria, there are a few films that recently dominated the theaters that are now available on demand.

Dolittle

If you are one of the few folks out there clamoring for someone to release the fabled "butthole cut" of Tom Hooper's movie adaptation of Cats, this film may strike your fancy. Do you like CGI animals making jokes referencing such current things as Rush Hour? How about ostriches with daddy issues? Love animal puns? Does the idea of animals that won't shut the hell up sound like an nightmarishly obnoxious good time? Then this piece of what-the-fuckery starring Robert Downey Jr. as Dr. Dolittle, the man who could talk to animals, is for you. Naturally, every animal is voiced by folks like Craig Robinson, Octavia Spencer, John Cena, and Kumail Nanjiani. Ralph Fiennes voices a vicious tiger. Tigers can't catch a break.

Bloodshot

Cinematic comfort food comes in all shapes and sizes. For some folks out there, a movie like Bloodshot is one of those movies. If your comfort food involves a big lunkhead wasting baddies with Steve Jablonsky's intimidating soundtrack constantly reminding you how much of a B.A. the main character is, then you are truly in luck. Whether fairly or unfairly, Vin Diesel has always been a punching bag for critics but, personally, I always liked the guy. Have you ever seen Multi-Facial, the short film he wrote, directed, and starred in that launched his career? I liked it. His action movies are the big, blustery stuff that brings solace in an odd way. Here, Diesel plays Ray Garrison, a soldier killed in action and brought back to life as our titular hero based on the Valiant comics character. With the help of a few friends, some well-intentioned chaos ensues.

click to enlarge Bad Boys lookin' young as ever ... well, sorta - COURTESY COLUMBIA PICTURES
  • Courtesy Columbia Pictures
  • Bad Boys lookin' young as ever ... well, sorta

Bad Boys for Life

For some reason, there was a contingent of folks surprised that this sequel to two very successful films would be a box office hit. Why? It's an action-packed comedy that is also a sequel to two very successful films. Martin Lawrence and (checks notes) a guy named Will Smith play the two guys from those two very successful films in Bad Boys for Life. This time, it's their turn to say, "We're not too old for this shit!" There's a plot but does anyone really care?

Much like Bloodshot, it's a nostalgic, bombastic diversion and that's all one can ask for.

Trolls World Tour

Speaking of sequels, there's a new Trolls movie. I know they use Daft Punk's "One More Time" in the trailer. That's pretty neat. I know they look cute. I know I have nieces and nephews that may like it. I know their parents may tolerate it. Then again maybe the parents will love it? This time around, Poppy (Anna Kendrick) and Branch (Justin Timberlake) set out to unify the six troll tribes across six lands devoted to six musical styles in harmony against bratty, self-centered hard rocker Queen Barb (Rachel Bloom).

click to enlarge Is another Trolls movie what this quarantine really called for? Maybe? - COURTESY DREAMWORKS ANIMATION
  • Courtesy Dreamworks Animation
  • Is another Trolls movie what this quarantine really called for? Maybe?

Impractical Jokers: The Movie

Right as COVID became a word that emanated from everyone's lips, this film was coming into theaters making more-than modest waves thanks to a limited release strategy that helped spread word of mouth. It was on the cusp of being a big theatrical success when cinema doors began closing. That sucks, if anything because the era of an underestimated flick becoming a sleeper hit has become fewer and farther between. While I find the show amusing, I have friends who absolutely adore Sal, Jo, Murr and Q's shenanigans and their film. According to the press release, the film's loose-thread plot involves: "The story of a humiliating high school mishap from 1992 that sends the Impractical Jokers on the road competing in hidden camera challenges for the chance to turn back the clock and find redemption."

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