Photos: Whisker wars in the Holy City 

Beards, beer, and beasties

The third annual Beard & Mustache Championships resembled a very butch and fetishy fashion show with burly dudes. Many of these hairy guys are fierce competitors on a national level, going to contests as a hobby, and even starring in the IFC reality show Whisker Wars.

There was an obvious camaraderie among the group at the pre-competition beer tasting at Holy City Brewing Saturday afternoon, an event that truly gave a taste of local flavor to those who came from far away to our proud beer-centric city. Holy City was pouring their “Notorious P.I.G.” bacon porter, a nectar so deliciously swiney rich, it makes you want to roll in pluff mud.

At the Music Farm that night, contestants strutted their stuff in front of the audience and a panel of judges, flaunting their facial hair and really working it on stage. Perhaps the most impressive stunt was the guy with a full red beard in nothing but cowboy boots and a Texas flag Speedo who did a standing back flip. Or maybe it was the dapper silver-haired bearded man who threw a stack of real money into the crowd.

The contest featured many rounds of competition that went late in the night, with everything from an Amish beard category to a Southern Belle beard category for women. Whoever created the music playlist to accompany each round did a smashing job. During the women’s mustache competition, the Bee Gee’s “More Than A Woman” played, adding a good dose of irony and hilarity to the proceedings. The Beastie Boys also got heavy rotation, and it seemed transcendentally apropos when the freestyle beard guys got on stage and strutted to “Intergalactic,” with their fantastically futuristic styles.

The best-of-show winners were handed their trophies well after midnight, with a rocking set from local band Dante’s Camaro sandwiched in between the contests — they even made a Backstreet Boys cover sound dirty. I want it that way: The most fun with follicles you could imagine.


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