FEATURE ‌ 2006: The Year in Music 

A wide-eyed look at what's ahead in the local music scene

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It's the end of a wild year in the local music scene, and the music department is looking forward to an even more exciting 2006. What's in store? This list may help mentally, physically, and emotionally prepare you:

• The Defilers and Da' Gullah Rootz will join forces to form an "island funkabilly" band under the name "Da' File'uhs." Frontmen Arleigh Hertzler and Jerone "General Top Rank'n Geecheeman" Jenkins will each don colorful tams and Western-style button-ups.

• Supermanager Jerrod Wilkins will officially change his name to "Supermanager Jerrod Wilkins."

• In an attempt to further authenticate himself as a bluesman, Gary Erwin will pack on 125 pounds and change his stage name from "Shrimp City Slim" to "Folly Road Fatz" and play a CD release party for a new album called Deep Fried Grits with Garlic on the deck of trawler boat Capt. Tang.

• Kapone will bounce back this year with a new concept album titled Umpires are the New Punk. The album release gig will find the band clad in home-plate umpire uniforms with a diamond in front of the stage on which their fans can mosh around the bases (if anyone misbehaves, they're "outta there!").

• Much to the delight of harmonica and organ players, Fox Music House will make drastic changes to their inventory, choosing to carry only the instruments featured in the Quincy Jones recording of the theme from TV's Sanford & Son. They'll change the name to "Redd Foxx Music House." Clerks will shuffle around the room, addressing customers as "Hey, Dummy." School band brass instruments will be sold pre-dented.

• The Wild Wing Café will finally halt their radio advertising campaign featuring snippets of Iggy Pop's "Real Wild Child," opting for snippets of the much more obscure song "Wings," by The Fall.

• Random musical concerts held at the Family Circle Magazine Stadium will kick off with an unexpected shower on the VIP attendees from the clay court sprinklers, much to the amusement of the folks in the cheap seats.

• Johnson's Pub will convert their back lounge into an exact replica of the Korova Milk Bar in Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange. House turntablist DJ Kurfu will spin a tripped-out mash of "Singin' in the Rain" every night.

• In an attempt to make his club more "farm-like," the Music Farm's Kurt Pappenhausen will act on appalling advice and renovate the stage to resemble the cornfield "farm look" of TV's Hee Haw. By contract, bands will have to agree to appear on stage in denim overalls and open every set with a respectful rendition of "Doom, Despair, and Agony on Me." George "Goober" Lindsey will be hired as official emcee.

• The Pour House will live up to its name in '06: when patrons pay the cover at the door, proprietor Alex Harris will step into the foyer and ceremoniously dump 12 ounces of Sweetwater 420 ale on their heads. Dude.

• Officially back in town after a stint in Nashville last winter, singer Cary Ann Hearst and her band will open every show with a cover of Fleetwood Mac's "Never Goin' Back Again" and close with a rousing, country version of Crüe's "Home Sweet Home."

• In March, the College of Charleston Department of Communication's fourth annual "Charleston Battle of the Bands" will flub while attempting to spice things up under a new format based on TV's Battle of the Network Stars — replete with long, striped tube socks, short-shorts, tight leotards, and floppy mustaches (all of which will be required of participating contestants). The Specs will win it all in the final round.

• After a touching farewell at the Dock Street Theatre this week, all five members of Jump will scatter to do other projects. Inspired by the arrival of a new baby, frontman Jay Clifford will gradually reassemble the group as a "tribute to the genius of Dr. Seuss" under the band name "Hop on Pop." The quintet will play light compositions in a major key to the lyrical words of Theodor Geisel.

• The 2006 "Party at the Point" series will exclusively feature "reunion shows only," with performances by Wormbelly, The Parrots, The Detectives, Velveeeta, Frankie Firejack & The Jackels, The More The More, Warhead, Foreign Aide, and The Hollywood Squares.

• Local beach music haven J.B. Pivot's will get busted for their annual Memorial Day Weekend events when the cops find the "shagging" got entirely out of hand.

• In a corny attempt to sell tickets, Slow Runner will start playing their shows with frontman Michael Flynn and sideman Josh Kaler on small treadmills, "jogging" in place with the machines on the lowest settings. This will only last three shows before they ditch the machines and jog in place, Roger Daltrey-style.

• The Films will be assigned to provide the entire movie soundtrack to the forthcoming Back to the Future Part 4.

• In an unusual fit of anger, 98X DJ Amy Hutto, host of the weekly local series "Local X," will ban any members of Number One Contender, Volusia, Shaman Mary from the microphone — much to the delight of literally dozens of hipster 40-somethings.

• The Charleston County Public Library's Media Services Department will suspend their "rockumentary" events after a disastrous (and messy) screening of the documentary film GG Allin: Hated.

• The Firehouse Bar & Grill will begin using Kiss's "Firehouse" in a brilliant new radio campaign ... but they'll forget to bleep out Paul Stanley's "F" word.

• 96 Wave DJ Jim "The Critic" Voigt will find voice work as a true-life character on The Simpsons by the fall season.

• Backed by members of Booty Call, Plane Jane, and the Foxy Mondays, sleepyhead radio personality Stupid Mike, of 96 Wave's morning show, will release a solo album titled Thanks (A Funky Thanks).

• The Bridge 105.5 FM will increase their wattage and raise a new antenna in South Windermere constructed from a retrieved beam from the Grace bridge. They'll kick off the powerful signal with a 20-minute loop of Bonham's kick/snare pattern from Zep's "The Bridge."

• The weekly "Hair-e-oke" nights at Cumberland's will die down considerably after the band changes their look to a Rocky Horror Picture Show theme and revamps their set to feature only the music of Meatloaf and Tim Curry.

• Drummers Quentin Baxter and Dave Easlick will form a percussion ensemble called "Chops Inc." and perform weekly clinics at White Point Gardens.

• Z-93 Jamz will further dominate the Arbitron numbers with the usual "R&B and hip-hop flava."

• The young upstarts The Working Title will lose major local cred and be tagged as "The Working Tattle" when it's revealed the band is really a bunch of narcs formed by SLED.

• This music editor will catch three live bands a night ... and miss every deadline.


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