Close Quarters 

College roommates can be your best friend or worst enemy

For at least the first year of college, most students share living space (i.e. a painfully small dorm room) with another person, often someone they've never met before. Universities sometimes use personality tests to pair people up, but it's not uncommon for the devout Jesus freak to get roomed with a beer-bonging frat boy. Even if your co-habitor is a mirror of yourself, you're bound to have a few disagreements. Here are some guidelines to getting along with your roommate.

Rule #1: No matter how good a friend your roommate is, they don't want you to pee on their stuff. Many a dimly glowing laptop has been ruined by a post-binge blackout piss attempt. Better to just pee on yourself. Provided you came home alone.

Rule #2: Do your share. Set an example and keep the room clean. That energy is contagious. Wash your dishes after you eat, before they pile up and no one wants to do them. Use soap.

Rule #3: If your roommate is sleeping, and it's past 10 p.m., go to the library, the bar, your friend's room, but give them respect. You'll want it when you're cramming for your mid-term two weeks later.

Rule #4: When the mood overwhelms you (alone), lock the goddamn door.

Rule #5: If the mood overwhelms you (with a partner), lock the goddamn door. But sexile your roommate night after night or they're allowed to inform Girl #1 about Girls #2 and #3 who visited last night.

Rule #5: Lysol. Mom's not here to clean your bathroom. Don't live in filth and squalor, and don't leave your shoes next to the toilet (back to that pissing thing).

Rule #6: It's not your roommate's responsibility to pay your bills for you. Cough it up on time.

Rule #7: If you've got a pet and you don't take care of it, or it poops in your roommate's bed and eats their homework, they're allowed to give it away.

Rule #8: If you smoke pot and your roommate doesn't, don't do it in the room. It's against the law, by the way.

Rule #9: Everyone has different tastes in music. Each of you can designate "only with your headphones on" artists, but be open and take turns. You might get turned on to something you thought you hated and end up following Panic around the country for three months.

Rule #10: Communicate and chill. Don't harbor anger. It's always better to work it out. Because they see you when you're sleeping.


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