Cado Deveran 
Member since Nov 21, 2014



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Re: “Why are white men turning on women?

I'm a white male. I'm not against women. In fact, I was a progressive until dissenting from the party line in some fairly minor ways caused me to be kicked to the curb. I'm actually grateful that happened, because it opened my eyes to a lot of the falsehoods I'd been fed, and it showed me how much harm progressives and feminists are doing in arenas where we actually need change. I don't see anything wrong with calling out rape hysteria, for example, because even organizations like RAINN have come out and said that ideas such as rape culture tend to increase the amount of sexual violence rather than helping to reduce it. I have no trouble believing that most feminists are well-intentioned, but good intentions don't necessarily make for good outcomes.

I also find it rather offensive to be told time and time and time again that I'm at the top of the food chain, that I have privileges that I don't see, etc. I'm 27 years old at the time of this writing. I've never had a job where I earned more than $9.00 an hour. I'm currently going to a community college to build my skill set and hopefully set myself up for a comfortable existence while I work toward other goals. I've dealt with some fairly severe mental health issues over the course of my life, and I've had physical problems that I've had to struggle with as a result of not having insurance through most of my childhood or for three years of my adult life.

And the general response to me saying any of this is that nobody wants to hear it. I'm whining. Forgive me if that makes me somewhat cynical when women who are in a far better position than I am - many of whom have never had to suffer anything remotely close to the poverty and abuse I had to endure - have the gall to call me privileged. Which is not to say women don't suffer; of course they do. Many have suffered the same or worse things as I have. I still don't see privilege as a useful concept in this case; that seems to me like the difference concerning what life throws at certain individuals. It's also true that for the women I've known, there are a number of services available to help them, and the primary barriers they face are a lack of knowledge concerning what's available and transporting themselves to places where they can get help. That's wonderful; I don't want that to change. However, the same things largely don't exist for men, and that needs to be addressed. I don't know that it can be so long as feminists continue to treat these issues as a zero-sum game where help for one gender can only be provided at the expense of the other.

I also know a large number of the women within GamerGate and NotYourShield find it quite offensive to be referred to as sockpuppets, and I don't blame them. This is just the latest faux pas in a long line of denials that any woman or minority who dissents from the feminist party line must not exist or they must be acting from internalized misogyny. It's this attitude that we don't know what's best for us and that we need to be talked down to that so many people are pushing against, myself included.

I'm entirely for equality; I'm not for using lies to try and achieve it, and I'm also not in favor of legislating equality of outcomes. There are discussions to be had and issues to be addressed, but solutions cannot be found when one side starts with their conclusion and tries to bully everyone else out of the dialog. That there appears to be a 5% wage gap is not necessarily the result of discimination, and neither is a low percentage of women within a particular occupation. I've heard it from numerous sources that they want to hire more women into various industries but that there simply aren't many qualified women to hire. It's possible that that's not true, but I've never seen solid evidence of discrimination keeping women out of industries like engineering, and the numerous college programs that offer scholarships and extra help to women who want to go into STEM fields contradicts the feminist narrative. It's also strange that women are dominating STEM fields in developing countries where much more overt forms of sexism are still commonplace. That would suggest that part of the reason we don't have as many women in those fields over here is that we're in a region of the world where many people have the option of learning to do something simply because they enjoy it and the pressure to do something simply for the sake of its economic viability isn't as strong. That could be wrong, but it's at least worth exploring.

And moreover, no one deserves to be insulted or labeled a misogynist because they ask questions and propose alternative answers to the ones posited by feminists. This hostility toward dissent reeks of an authoritarian mindset that won't allow questioning because what is being presented would crumble under scrutiny, and I hope for the sake of any of my future children that it doesn't wind back the progress that's been made. I don't want to have to tell my daughter that the reason her prospects are limited is because feminists made hiring women such a huge liability that very few companies are willing to take the risk, and I don't want to tell my son that he has to restrict basic aspects of his own humanity because masculinity has become so reviled that the slightest misstep could get him labeled a monster. (And please don't tell me that's not a concern when five year olds have been suspended for chewing poptarts into the shape of a gun. The number of feminists I've seen talk about the rough play boys engage in as a bad thing shows me they have no understanding and no tolerance for how most boys differ from girls, and I'm not going to raise a son with a whole host of complexes just because shaming masculinity is what's in right now.)

I want a better future for everyone, and I don't believe for a second that feminism represents a path to achieving that. Everyone should have a voice, especially if they disagree with the prevalent cultural narrative, and despite feminists portraying themselves as the underdog, they own the gender narrative.

26 of 27 people like this.
Posted by Cado Deveran on November 21, 2014 at 9:05 AM
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