Blotter: The week in crime 

Highlights from the City of Charleston police reports

BLOTTER O' THE WEEK: A burglary suspect threw up the bag of pot he tried to swallow. Officers noted in their report that the baggy was found in a pool of vomit. The substance tested positive for marijuana, and we're assuming whatever was for lunch.

A woman reported various items stolen from her jewelry box, which included one gold cuff link and one earring. Our money is on a one-armed pirate.

Items Stolen This Week: Six bikes and a GPS unit

Math O' The Week: According to one threat, it takes exactly four people to duct tape a victim and leave the body where no one can find it. We guess that three would just do a sloppy job and a fifth would stand around like that one guy you'd always see in the boy bands.

A driver told officers, "I know why you pulled me over, it was because I was not wearing my seatbelt, wasn't it?" No. It was because the license plate light was out.

A man met a woman and invited her back to his place for sex. He told officers, "After I climaxed, I fell asleep." When he woke up, she was gone, along with his camera and his laptop.

Quote O' The Week: "I had 10 beers, but I'm not drunk." Maybe if you're Jabba the Hutt.

An off-duty officer found a couple having sex at the car wash. We can imagine their disappointment when they realized the coin-operated dispenser was stocked with the wrong kind of body wax.

Victim Statement O' The Week: "I moved here for you, and now I got shot."

Police found a man with urine all over the front of his pants passed out beside a pick-up truck in an alley. He told officers he was looking for his truck. When they pointed to the one beside him, he said that wasn't it.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We've added a cartoon and a little commentary. We've added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.


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