Blotter: Recumbent relief and didgeridoo thief 

BLOTTER O' THE WEEK: Reported missing from the backseat of a vehicle: a .45-caliber hunting rifle, 15 rifle rounds, 40 diazepam pills, and 90 oxycodone pills. Someone just gave new meaning to the phrase "hunting trip."

Someone stole the cash box from a car wash office, leaving the company out to dry.

After getting arrested for driving under the influence, a man sat down in the back of a police cruiser and said, "I'm so unlucky." The officer hardly sympathized, saying, "You shouldn't have been driving drunk and you wouldn't be here."

A man got a call from his bank informing him that someone had used his credit card number to buy $274 worth of merchandise from convenience stores in Maryland. Police there are on the lookout for someone carrying 30 pounds of Utz chips.

The Things They Shoplifted: Four jars of crab meat, a bag of frozen shrimp, $15 worth of fruit, and a didgeridoo.

A man tried to shoplift two pairs of shorts by wearing them both at the same time, one on top of the other.

A 42-inch TV was stolen from the wall of an apartment complex weight room. The dude who stole it must've been able to dead-lift 200 pounds.

Police observed a man lying down on a park bench trying to undo his pants zipper and pee without sitting up. When asked if he had been drinking, he said, "Of course."

A man called police when he saw mysterious transactions showing up on his credit card balance, but he called again to say "Never mind" when he realized his wife had been using the card. Well, there goes the big anniversary surprise.

For some reason, a man who had just bought lottery tickets at a convenience store got angry with the cashier and spit on him. We're guessing he didn't win that big jackpot.

In a voicemail, a woman sang — yes, sang — "You bastard," "I hope you die then," and "We'll come and find you." With enough training, she's got potential as the new vocalist for Slayer.

Within minutes after discovering that someone had put sugar in her car's gas tank, a woman received a phone call from a man who said, "Tell your boyfriend to buy you a new car." Guess that's why they call him a sugar daddy.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We've added a cartoon and a little commentary. We've added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.


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