Blotter: Make that To-Go 

Dine and Dash

Blotter o' the Week: Three young diners skipped out on their meal without paying the bill. The trio then pulled up beside the restaurant and one of the individuals jumped out of the car, grabbed the plates of food and silverware from their table, and fled the scene. The entire situation gives a whole new meaning to the concept of takeout.

A recent break-in ended in a learning opportunity for all parties involved. A burglar used a cinderblock to smash through a window at a local fast-food restaurant before attempting to empty out the register and open the safe. The manager told police that the surveillance cameras inside the business were not working and the store has no alarm. Unfortunately for the burglar, the manager is smart enough not to keep any money in the eatery after hours, so the B&E was a fruitless endeavor.

Police responded to reports of an angry man shouting as he walked around a cul-de-sac. When questioned by officers, the man screamed “I’m here visiting my dog” before continuing to stomp around yelling obscenities. It’s easy to see why he and the dog are taking some time apart.

A man was denied a loan from a money-lender after repeatedly swearing at employees over the phone. The man is then said to have called back to the business more than 40 times in the span of an hour. At one point the man called while officers were inside of the business, and he was placed on speakerphone just long enough to tell police to “suck my dick.”

A photographer met a woman on Instagram and after their second photo session, the two decided to take their relationship to the next level. The man then received text massages from the woman, saying she would tell his girlfriend about their affair unless he paid her off. The man told police that he sent the woman $225, but she has only continued to request more payments. Although this seems like a big negative for the photographer, it will be interesting to see how the situation develops.

An intoxicated man attempted to throw a table at a fellow bar patron. The man was kicked out of the bar, but continued to pace around the parking lot of the business until police arrived.

A man and woman were found downtown in the “middle of romantic activities,” according to an incident report. The couple told police that they were drinking wine at a nearby theater and brought the bottle with them when their passions got the best of them.

An officer noticed a set of feet propped up on the driver’s side dashboard of a parked truck late one evening. Inside the vehicle, police found two individuals in the front seat, with one of them naked from the waist down. The driver then rolled down the window and informed the officer that they were “getting freaky” and had been smoking marijuana.

Store staff called police after noticing a strange man in their parking lot allegedly pulling on random car door handles in the business’ parking lot. Upon speaking with police, the man mentioned that he had recently consumed 10 beers, which means he probably had two brews left in the 12-pack. When asked why his clothes were wet and covered in mud, the man said he had just fallen into the marsh.

An intoxicated man was found passed out atop a parking garage. When the group who discovered the man failed to wake him, they used his phone to call his most recent contact. The man’s girlfriend answered and said she was on her way to retrieve the man. The man then awoke and immediately became upset because another man was talking to his girlfriend. The situation devolved into fisticuffs as the group attempted to corral the man and police soon arrived.

An intoxicated man was found lying in the bushes behind an apartment complex. After telling police that he had “a fair amount” to drink that night, the man threatened the officers by saying he would “beat your ass into oblivion.”

A $500 copper sink was stolen from a home currently undergoing renovations. This is ironic because of the popular colloquialism regarding “everything but the kitchen sink,” but in this case the kitchen sink was the sole item that was taken. That’s the joke.


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