Blotter: Front porch flea-flicker 

Cheap Financial Advice

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Steve Stegelin

Blotter o' the Week: A woman reported three packages stolen from her front porch one afternoon. What did the thieves manage to list among their day's haul? Approximately $100 worth of dog flea medication. Hopefully, this theft will scratch the itch for these criminals.

A woman was awoken late one evening by her intoxicated neighbor who was banging loudly on her front door. Police arrived to find the neighbor standing outside near her vehicle shouting, "Why are you here?" and "Who called the police?," according to an incident report. The woman's shouting became increasingly nonsensical over the course of the evening as she was escorted to jail to cool down.

The bookkeeper for a local restaurant called police after a woman was spotted attempting to use checks stolen from the business. After being notified not to accept these checks, a bank teller informed police that a woman walked into the bank with a crumpled check written out to herself. The suspect informed the teller, "Don't worry about it. My kids found it in the trash." Recognizing that something was amiss, the teller then contacted the restaurant's bookkeepers to inform them that she had found their suspect. After attempting to stall the woman while police arrives, the suspect grabbed her driver's license from the teller's hand and stormed out of the bank.

A man was kind enough to allow a friend to stay at his apartment while she was down on her luck. He was rewarded for his hospitality by having his DVDs and Call of Duty games stolen from his home.

A man and his cousin responded to an enticing offer for no-cost financial assistance on Facebook. The man was told to provide half the money owed in monthly bills and the "financial agent" would handle the rest of his regular expenses. It wasn't until the man received a notice that his bills were past due that he realized he had lost almost $2,000.

A woman has begun filming her neighbor who she suspects is stealing letters from her mailbox.

A man had just checked into his family's hotel room when he received a call from a man claiming to be the hotel manager. The alleged manager said that there was an issue with the man's payment and required him to resubmit his credit card information. After providing the man on the phone with his account info, the man checked downstairs with the desk clerk and was informed that no one on the hotel staff had called him.

A police dog sniffed out a salsa jar that a suspect had hidden inside a charcoal grill in their backyard. Even through the layers of cilantro and coal, the trusty hound was still able to detect the bags of cocaine hidden inside the jar.

A man's visiting parents were unpacking when his father knocked a 357 magnum handgun from a closet shelf. According to an incident report, the weapon then hit the ground and fired. The bullet went through the closet wall, bathtub, bathroom wall, and front door before ricocheting off his neighbor's front door.

An officer watched as a suspicious vehicle attempted to make a sudden turn after spotting the officer and head in the opposite direction. The driver managed to spin his vehicle around only to crash into a person's mailbox and flagpole planted in their front yard. Having failed to pull off even the most low-speed of chases, the driver then stepped out of the car and fled on foot.

Three abandoned vessels were discovered in local waters during a recent post-Hurricane Matthew survey of the area, so everyone should check to see if their boat has been missing for the past nine months. You may want to come pick it up.

During an arrest for possession of pot and a stolen bicycle, the suspect began to shout for help saying, "They are kidnapping me. Marijuana isn't illegal."

A woman described the driver who struck her vehicle in a hit-and-run collision as a young, white male, with a "Justin Bieber" haircut. It's a shame he didn't say he's "Sorry."


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