Blotter: Alien languages, a shoe thief, and a fishy break-in 

BLOTTER O' THE WEEK: A woman drove her car on the sidewalk outside a mall and initially spoke to police in what she called an "alien language" when they came to talk with her. She said she had driven on the sidewalk because she "wanted to make beautiful music," then she announced that the devil was alive and she was going to battle him that night.

Someone stole a backhoe from a construction company and just keeps digging a deeper and deeper hole for himself.

After getting arrested on a DUI charge, a man refused to get in the back of a police cruiser, saying, "You are going to have to shoot me" and "You better taze me." Police managed to cram him in the door without pulling any weapons out.

Eight pairs of shoes were stolen from a man's bedroom. Everyone's gotta get their kicks somehow.

Baby Steps o' the Week: A woman told police that she smokes marijuana and bath salts as a way to stop using crack cocaine.

At closing time, an underaged guy walked out of a bar and planted a sloppy kiss on the window of a police cruiser. He tried to run away but was promptly caught. That's no way to play hard-to-get.

Someone dumped mauve latex paint all over an SUV. At least the driver wasn't marooned.

When an officer stopped a woman who was stumbling northward from a bar, she said she was headed "home," but she gave a home address that was to the south. The cop asked her why she was walking in the wrong direction. She then furrowed her brow, looked at the sky as if to orient herself by the stars, and said, "I don't know."

While a family was away on vacation, someone broke into their house, ate some food, left the fridge door open, threw some of their belongings around in the living room, killed their pet fish, played with their board games, and stole a single purple bracelet.

The Things They Shoplifted: A three-pack of men's T-shirts, two tank tops, a spare refrigerator coil, and a bucket.

Assault Weapon o' the Week: A rake.

A crook broke into several vending machines and stole $50 worth of quarters. Investigators can't make heads or tails of the case.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We've added a cartoon and a little commentary. We've added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.


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