An open letter to event planners and entertainers 

Past the Expiration Date

Dear Charleston event planners,

We love you, we really do. Your job is hard work. The logistics and crowd pleasing alone? Really, hats off to you. However, when it comes to the party realm, we’ve noticed a certain repetitive nature in local events. The same entertainers seem to haunt Charleston fêtes like the ghosts of lame parties past.

Take hula hoopers, for instance. Now, hoopers can look pretty cool in their funky outfits, fur boots, and tights. But we all know how it’s gonna end. She’s gonna keep shaking her neon-lit hips, my beer’s gonna get warm, and eventually I’m gonna walk away. I used to watch the hoopers for three to five minutes. Now I think to myself, I’m really happy for you and I’mma let you finish, but I’d rather watch Betty White play strip poker than see you show up with your hoop at one more Charleston event.

The same goes for live graffiti artists. I respect your craft. I know it’s a skill and you feed off the vibe of the people. But damn, my beer’s getting warm again, and all you’ve done in the past 20 minutes is outline something that looks like a deranged kitten. Next time you want to wow us at an event with a local graffiti artist, send in Shepard Fairey.

I’m not hating, I’m just saying for 2011, let’s start anew. Granted, 2010 saw the dawn of the local burlesque dancer. They had their fun, and they hotsy totsy’d their way into our hearts, but heads up — they’ve got six months to move out. Speaking of which, let’s talk about cage dancer girls. Why does the caged girl sing? Because she’s sloshed on Jäger bombs and her bustier is asphyxiating her. I’m not saying that they’re not good at what they do. I’m just saying that game is played.

So planners, utilize your creative spirit, flip through the Rolodex, Google some ideas, and stop dialing the same old numbers. We want something fresh and new, like a circus act! Maybe a juggling clown. I hear Mark Sanford is free.

XOXO, Kinsey Gidick, writer


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