Monday, April 23, 2007

Shocker!!! (Bachelor Wrap)

Posted by Greg Hambrick on Mon, Apr 23, 2007 at 10:28 PM

The latest post in our weekly chronicle of The Bachelor as three Lowcountry women vie for the affection of a Navy doctor whom we affectionately call Da Cheese. Three girls will go home by the end of the night. I missed the first 20 minutes while sitting in the line at Wendy’s. You know what's a bad sign? When you’re sitting in the Wendy’s drive thru and you spot a KFC bag sitting on the counter in the back of the kitchen. Anyway, I’ll watch it Wednesday and if there’s anything worth chatting about (read: mocking) I’ll update. Here’s the wrap:

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9:49

Nicole is out on a casino date with ‘Da Cheese.

The girls fight for alone time.

9:58

Back to the craps … table. I was shoveling a burger down my throat, so I missed most of it.

Da Cheese wants to spend alone time with Bevin (the one who twisted her ankle last week)

Nicole says she’s milking it.

He’s carrying Bevin (Da Crutch) down the hall. Yuck!

Da Cheese: “I’m a nerd. I hope you’re okay with nerds.”

He wants to join the astronaut program. Watch out for those NASA engineers — they’re the new postal worker.

Heavy making out. “I’d be uncomfortable watching this with my mother” making out.

Da Crutch: “You want to give me a checkup?” Da Cheese: “I want to give you a thorough checkup.” I want a squeegee for my brain!

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10:05

Stephanie and Kate are on a ski trip date.

It’s Stephanie’s birthday.

Kate doesn’t ski. Kate: “I stay away from snow because I hate it.” It shows.

Da Cheese is “feeling a connection” with another girl. I’m worrying about the Charleston 3.

Stephanie is on the prowl. “I will definitely throw another girl under the bus.”

Da Cheese: “Jealousy is such a rabid beast.”

10:16

Kate gets alone time with Da Cheese in the gondola.

Kate says he tried to kiss one girl and that another girl was jealous of all the attention on Bevin.

Okay. Our girls are getting alone time and all they’re doing is cat-scratching.

Kate says that Stephanie (our Stephanie!) has molded herself to fit Da Cheese’s mold.

Steph better watch out, here comes a bus.

Kate: “Stephanie is really starting to get on my nerves.”

Lets hope these two don’t bump in to each other at City Bar.

10:27

Amber is getting ready for the single date. She could stay or go at the end of the night.

Nicole, an absolute doll, is chatting up Amber.

‘Da Cheese and Amber make out in the hot tub.

He gives her the rose. If my math is right, that’s 8 girls and five roses. Trouble!

10:37

Back at the house.

Kate referred to her talk the day before as: "word vomitt."

Stephanie is 90 percent sure she’s getting a rose.

Kate: “I’m wondering if that outfit is even appropriate for a strip club.”

Stephanie calls out Amber. Who already has a rose. Big mistake.

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Kate: “A couple of people here shouldn’t trust me.”

She tells Amber that Tina said that Amber told her that she almost had sex with Andy. My god. I’m back in the Sigma lodge. Somebody get me a cocktail!

Amber goes back and tells Da Cheese.

10:50

Rose ceremony

Da Cheese: “The difficulty of this choice tonight speaks to the quality of you women.”

Tessa (who all but said she didn’t want a rose a few minutes ago) gets a rose.

Danielle gets a rose.

Da Crutch hobbles over to get her rose.

Two left.

Tina gets a rose. It could be a sweep.

Stephanie (the other one) gets the rose!!!!!

All three of our girls are eliminated!

Kate says bye: "I came here looking for true love and the man of my dreams.” Um, no.

Nicole is emotional. “I let him know how I felt and here I am without a rose. … It got intense.” She breaks down, I mean Steel Magnolias breaks down. You want to hit something, Nicole? Here, hit Kate!

Stephanie: “I can’t believe I’m leaving tonight. I thought I was special. … I sold somebody out and I think he thought that was a shitty thing to do.” You think?

“When you care about somebody, you want them to be happy — so let him go be happy, without me.”

Oh, girls, it’s manual labor next week. You all dodged a bullet.

This brief time has been fun. We watched Stephanie come on to strong. We watched Kate throw Stephanie, and herself, under the bus. And we watched Nicole become everybody’s friend only to have an emotional breakdown at the end. Love ya, girls. Now come on home and find you a Southern gentleman.

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