Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Times Square bomber not an old white guy, Glenn Beck talks sense (shocker)

Posted by Chris Haire on Tue, May 4, 2010 at 2:52 PM

I'll be the first to admit that I was wrong when it came to the identity of the would-be Times Square bomber. See, as I told everybody in the office, I was absolutely positive it was going to be a crazy old white.

Not that I have a problem with crazy old white guys. Nope. I hope to be one of them. The crazier the better.

In fact, I look forward to the day in the not-so-distant future when I'm sitting in a rocker on the front porch with a pint in one hand and a pipe in the other and I notice a pack of kids acting like a bunch of knuckleheads as they walk across my yard and stamp all over my wife's freshly planted pansies. So I do what any crazy old man would do: I pull out a de-pantser gun and shout, "Get off of my lawn," before I fire the gun and laugh when the little whippersnappers' pants fall to the ground. And then I release the hounds. They don't call them the golden years for nothing.

Of course, I didn't need to tell you guys that. After all, you had no idea I thought a crazy old white guy was behind it. But in my defense, old white guys just seem to be so much more motivated than everybody else when it comes to political matters.

They attend Tea Party rallies. They go to city council meetings. They vote. Hell, I'd be willing to beat pesos to flan de leche that if every day was election day, they'd be out there casting ballots and counting them. Simply put: Old white guys get shit done.

But that's not who was behind the Times Square near bombing. Nah. It's a 30-year-old Pakistani-born American dude named Faisal Shahzad. And, well, he's been arrested. Next up: the beginning of very long legal process.

Not surprisingly, Shahzad's arrest was the hot topic today on the cable news shows, and rightfully so. However, over at Fox & Friends it was a bit more interesting than elsewhere, or at least that what I would guess.

See, the subject came up about whether or not Shahzad should be read his Miranda rights, you know, the rights that tell you that you don't have to tell the authorities shit, that is unless you want to incriminate yourself. And apparently, Glenn Beck and one of the Fox & Friends' hosts, Brian Kilmeade, just couldn't see eye to eye. It seems Kilmeade thinks there's something wrong with reading Shahzad his Miranda rights, while Beck does not.

Glenn Beck: He’s a citizen of the United States so I say we uphold the laws and the Constitution on citizens.

Brian Kilmeade: He’s a threat to the country. That’s different.

Beck: So are a lot of the citizens of the country. If you are a citizen, you obey the law and follow the Constitution. He has all of the rights under the Constitution.

Kilmeade: How many have tried to blow up a city block in the last 48 hours?

Beck: We don’t shred the Constitution when it’s popular. We do the right thing.

Kilmeade: If he knows information that could wipe out some of your friends and family, you don’t want that?

Beck: Again it’s not a popular answer, but we don’t shred the Constitution.

Later, Beck adds:


The passion is to do whatever you can. But remember you’re now living in a time when you’re starting to see peaceful grandmas and grandpas sitting in lawn chairs being called violent. Who is the next person you're going to call violent? You make sure you follow the law even when it’s uncomfortable and very hard to do.

Holy guano, Batman. Glenn Beck's talking the sense.

Tonight, I'll be drinking to all the old white guys sitting in their lawn chairs.


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