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Friday, September 30, 2011

Cheater critique brings karmic butt bite

Posted on Friday, September 30

Your affair with my husband was almost 2 years ago now. You don't live in Charleston anymore but I know you go back to Charleston to visit your parents so maybe your sorry ass will actually see this letter. From what I hear, since the affair ended, you've slept your way through the bar where you two met.
(Speaking of the bar, it's funny to me that you were in the bar trash-talking my husband's sexual ability that one night. First of all, what 30-year-old woman does that? Isn't that really more fitting of teenagers? Second of all, I laughed out loud when I heard that because clearly he wasn't having the same kind of sex with you that he has with me! Because I can assure you, he is actually quite talented in that area.)
Back to my point...
You've slept your way through the bar. From all accounts, you've moved on. And this is one more reason I HATE YOU with a passion. I hate you because you are a sorry asshole bitch slut who walked away apparently unscathed. You never paid the price for what you did. I guess when you have no conscience whatsoever, that's easy to do. My husband has a conscience and has paid the price. In fact both of us are still paying the price.
But if there ever was any pain on your part, you have been able to drown it out with alcohol and some new stranger, so you don't feel it. I, on the other hand, have had to feel it all — and I have had to hold it all in, so that I could hold my marriage together, be a good mom, keep my job, and maintain some sense of respectability. On top of it all, I had to move to a new city, I had to start a new job, and my kids had to start at new schools, in large part because of you. Your affair turned my life upside down and you don't even give a shit. My husband has apologized profusely, in word and deed, for everything he did. You, on the other hand, aren't the least bit sorry. You probably don't ever even think about either of us anymore. And yet I think about you every single goddamn day. I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone.
People say the other woman doesn't owe the wife anything. Bullshit. You owed me something as one human being to another human being. You should never have slept with another woman's husband. You have no idea of the pain you've caused in my life. I am not sure you are emotionally capable of understanding. And I don't think you ever will, unless one day you fall in love, you're married for nearly 20 years, and you truly believe that you can trust him with your life...and then some slut (like yourself) comes along and does to you what you did to me. At 6 am on the morning after I found out, I sent you a message saying that I hope karma bites you in the ass one day. I hope she bites you hard.
By the way, if you ever want to apologize for YOUR part in this, feel free. My phone number and email address are still the same, and we know enough people in common that you could find me if you wanted to. But I won't hold my breath while I wait.

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Comments (16)

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If this is how you feel after two years, you might, with all respect, reach out for some counseling.

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Posted by PaulW on September 30, 2011 at 1:38 PM

Are you kidding with this? She didn't 'come along and ruin your life' - your husband did when he fell for her 'skanky charms' and dropped his pants. And he can be sorry all he wants - he should be - he's the one who made a vow to you - she didn't.
Be clear, I'm not defending her (she'll get hers), but the lion's share of the blame rests on your lame-ass spouse.
Direct your anger onto the proper person and let go of your hate towards this woman. It's obviously easier for you to vilify her than your husband, but forgiveness is not for the other person - it's for you. If you don't, you're well on your way to becoming a bitter old woman..

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Posted by Jen Allen on September 30, 2011 at 2:08 PM

PaulW, have you ever been in this situation? I appreciate the respectful comment because it sounds like it comes from genuine concern -- but it has not been quite 2 years yet, and any knowledgeable counselor will tell you that the typical "recovery time" after an affair is *at least* 2 years. This is a HUGE thing to get over, and it would be helpful if the other woman bore some of the brunt or at least helped the situation afterward by acknowledging her role and apologizing. But as I said, she apparently has no conscience whatsoever.

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Posted by StillHurting on September 30, 2011 at 2:09 PM

Jen, do you think I don't know these things? I'm not an effing idiot. First of all, you're quoting things I didn't say. Second of all, you missed the point entirely.

Now please tell me exactly HOW I am supposed to "let go of the hate" towards her??? It's not that easy, especially when she's not the least bit sorry.

For godssakes, let me vent my hatred in the Love/Hate column without coming down on ME for being angry with HER.

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Posted by StillHurting on September 30, 2011 at 2:21 PM

Still Hurting- I can only recommend the Perfect Man to you. He lived as an example and died that we may have forgiveness, for ourselves and for others. The hate you are harboring effects those in your life, in spite of your best efforts to conceal it. Jesus offers a peace that passes all understanding. He came that we may have life abundantly. Softly and tenderly, Jesus is calling. Let you answer be yes.

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Posted by sdr35hw on September 30, 2011 at 2:46 PM

haha, that jesus shit just puts this over the top on the rediculous scale

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Posted by joshl725 on September 30, 2011 at 3:01 PM

Counseling should help, but I also agree that a bit of internet venting can help to get the pent-up rage out. It is difficult to forgive an unrepentant interloper but you don't want to burden yourself with a grudge forever.

Also, this is maybe the first legitimate "hate" column I've seen on here.

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Posted by factoryconnection on September 30, 2011 at 4:44 PM

It's good to vent - now maybe you can move on and start looking at the positives in your marriage. Forget the past, the anger and the hatred. Just look forward and make yourselves happy.

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Posted by dsharlee on October 1, 2011 at 11:31 AM

Monogamy causes a lot of problems....

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Posted by mat catastrophe on October 1, 2011 at 6:35 PM

100% of all divorces start with marriage!

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Posted by JBOAT on October 6, 2011 at 7:59 AM

JBOAT...THAT is damn funny!

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Posted by hagakure on October 6, 2011 at 5:35 PM

I kind of agree with Jen Allen... I know it's got to be painful and by all means, vent... but divorce the man....

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Posted by SouthernFriedChick on October 13, 2011 at 12:46 PM

@ sdr35hw.....you have said a mouth full. I am glad someone reconizes that there is a man who sits high and looks low. GREAT ADVICE!!!
@ joshl725...did you say Jesus Shit??? Really?? I hope you find your way before your eyes are completely shut for good. When you find yourself burning FOREVER...say those same words.
@ the writer of the letter....I get it. Your are very upset with this woman and I cant blame you BUT please remember that it took 2 to tango. Yes your husband has apologized many times. Have you forgiven him? It seems like you are more angry at the woman than your husband. HE was the one who made the commitment to you and HE broke that. As much as it hurts and it shows...you have got to forgive. Everyday, the pain will go away WHEN you begin to forgive. I dont know if you are a believer or not but if you are...you know the word of GOD. Pray for a mended heart and a forgiving soul and to be healed of the hatred and move on. God has something/someone better out there for you.TRUST HIM as you had trusted your husband. HE will never let you down....Good luck and be Blessed!

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Posted by Concerned on October 17, 2011 at 7:50 AM

@Concerned: Thank you -- yes, I know all this. I have dealt with my husband separately and privately. I would not deal with him here, in this column. I think many people have forgotten the purpose of this column. I'm not so stupid as to think that it was all her fault. But I cannot speak to her directly, so I did it via the Love/Hate column.

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Posted by StillHurting on October 18, 2011 at 9:18 PM

Just my 2 cents ... you can't control anything the "other" woman feels or does with the exception of how it affects you. Why sully your hands in an attempt to make someone feel remorse when there is obviously none?

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Posted by Drftin' on November 3, 2011 at 10:06 AM

The other woman probably does not wish to stir up the pot any further. That is why she has not called you. Don't wait around, and keep and eye on your husband, because most of these types DO IT MORE THAN ONCE, with more than one other person. I feel for you. Get rid of his ass.

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Posted by Carrie 76 on December 11, 2011 at 1:06 AM
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