Friday, September 3, 2010

Cut, clip, and clean your crevices

Posted on Friday, September 3

Let's talk about hygiene. I know a lot of people who don't seem to know what this word means. Maybe they don't own mirrors or have senses of smell, both good ways to avoid bad hygiene. Bad hygiene can ruin an otherwise attractive person. It can also push already-unattractive people over the edge to "ew get the fuck away from me" people.
So let's have a little lesson on hygiene. Teeth. Brush them. Often. Floss them. Often. Check them out in the mirror occasionally. If they have shit in the crevices, clean it out. Brush your tongue too. It helps. Check every now and then for rotting teeth if you don't go to the dentist. That shit smells.
Clean out your ears. Use a Q-tip or some baby oil or whatever the fuck you want. I just don't want to see chunks of earwax in there.
Dudes, trim your nosehairs. Girls, sorry, but you have a lot more to trim. Facial hair needs to be removed (none of that bleaching shit), armpit and leg hair shaved, do whatever the hell you want with your pubes, I just don't want to see them hanging out halfway down your legs if you're wearing a bathing suit (or shorts if you're really hairy).
Trim your toenails. Don't let them extend beyond the tip of your toe. Use a pumice stone every now and then. Guys too. No one likes crusty feet.
Wash your face. Acne is gross. Get some goddamn Proactive if you're all zitty.
Wash your "crevices." Often. These are stinky traps. Some people don't seem to realize they need to be scrubbed.

-dirty deeds

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