Sorry Excuses and Fightin' Words o' the Year 

Put 'em Up

You talkin' to me?

Steve Stegelin

You talkin' to me?

Sorry Excuses o' the Year

• "So what? It's weed. It should be legal."

• When an officer asked a man why he was hiding behind a wall, he said, "Man, I was just pissin'," and hastily threw a crack pipe on the ground.

• A college student accused of stealing a classmate's $2,500 designer suitcase told police, "My parents own a business. I can buy her a new suitcase."

• "My friend told me that the clerk doesn't care if we steal stuff when he's working."

• A man who smelled like he'd been doing some boozing stood outside a car dealership and peed his pants. When the cops arrived, he told them, "I'll be honest, I couldn't make it to the bathroom inside the store."

• A man accused of shoplifting told police, "Who cares I took them. Y'all are racist."

• From a person accused of drunk driving: "I attended Michigan State. I come from a family of cops."

• Upon getting pulled over for rolling past a stop sign, a bicyclist told an officer, "I ain't got time for this shit! I got drinks!"

• When a police officer asked a man why he was driving without a license, the man replied that "a lot of Mexicans do it."

• "I know my music is really loud, but I like this song."

• After getting in a car accident, a man who smelled like alcohol hopped out of the driver's seat of his vehicle and told a police officer, "I wasn't driving!"

• "I'm the only fucking white guy in this apartment building, and I'm tired of that motherfucker downstairs selling me crack. I have bought crack off him for the last fucking five years, and I'm tired of it."


Fightin' Words o' the Year

• "You ain't shit on the stick."

• "Don't knock on my door, or I will put buckshot in you."

• "If I didn't have a family, I'd kick your ass!"

• "I'm going to slap you silly, but I'm a gentleman."

• "Don't talk shit to the dishwasher."

• "BTW you looked like an eskimo slut yesterday."

• "Man, I should piss in your car."

• "That's how we do in Geechie world, bitch."

• "I could squish you with one hand."

• "She has an uncle named Ozzie, and she will use it."

• "You are a miserable bitch, and you are probably going to die alone with your stupid cat who is also a bitch like yourself."


Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Classified Listings

Powered by Foundation   © Copyright 2016, Charleston City Paper   RSS