FILM REVIEW ‌ Capsule Reviews 

Becket (NR) Richard Burton and Peter O’Toole star in this 1964 Oscar-winning story of an English king who comes to terms with his affection for his close friend and confidant, who finds his true honor by observing God’s divine will rather than the king’s.

The Condemned (R) As Joe Conrad (Steve Austin) awaits the death penalty in a Central American prison, he’s purchased by a TV producer and transported to a remote island where a 10-person, fight-to-the-death battle is to be staged and broadcast online.

The Invisible (PG-13) After he’s attacked and left for dead, Nick Powell (Justin Chatwin) finds himself in a strange sort of limbo. His predicament: Find a way to solve his own murder and communicate with the living — who cannot hear him — who did it, and why.

Kickin’ It Old Skool (PG-13) In 1986, a young breakdancer hits his head during a talent show, sending him into a coma for 20 years. When he awakens, with the mindset of a 12-year-old, he looks to rally his old dance teammates and revive their short-lived careers.

Next (PG-13) Cornered by the FBI after a relentless pursuit, a man (Nicolas Cage) with the ability to see future events and affect their outcome faces an ultimatum, as the country’s intelligence agencies scramble to prevent a devastating terrorist attack.

300 (R) Yes, 300 is great to look at (though its burnished golds and CGI’d settings begin to feel like watching a series of production sketches long before the movie ends). But there’s not a hint of humanity in the evil Persians, as the demonized enemy. It’s also alarmingly homophobic, which is a pretty strange approach for a movie that’s nonstop beefcake. And, for that matter, it’s neither terribly exciting, nor involving, since it never gives us a single character to care about, and as soon as it’s set up the action, it’s merely repetitive. It is loud, however. —Ken Hanke

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (R) First of all, I “get it.” I know that this wretchedly-made juvenalia is supposed to be funny precisely because it is wretchedly-made juvenalia. That’s the joke. And it’s pretty much all the joke there is. I also “get” that a plot about saving the world from destruction by a villainous exercise machine is bizarre, but so what? Is it really the height of satirical humor? Is it really even all that different or more hip than saving the world from a robotic bowler hat in Meet the Robinsons? That’s not to say that the film is entirely unfunny — bits and pieces are hysterical — but it’s all so random and so pleased with itself that it’s hardly worth the bother. —Ken Hanke

Blades of Glory (R) Have you seen Anchorman? How about Talladega Nights? Then you’ve seen Blades of Glory. Will Ferrell and Jon Heder star as rival figure skaters who are banned for life from the sport, only to find a loophole which will allow them to compete as a pair. Ferrell does his patented “Hey, look at me, I’m funny” shtick, and Heder seems to be forever trapped in his Napoleon Dynamite persona. There are a handful of amusing gags, but little that will stay with you once you leave the theatre. —Justin Souther

Disturbia (PG-13) If nothing else D.J. Caruso’s Disturbia serves as an object lesson: if you set your goals low enough, you stand a fair chance of reaching them. Assuming that reasonably competent mediocrity was the goal here, Caruso and company have succeeded wildly. There are absolutely no surprises in Disturbia. It is exactly as advertised: a teen-centric variation on Rear Window with a hero under house arrest, a goofy best friend, a girlfriend, a disbelieving mom, unsympathetic cops, and a guy next door who’s a serial killer. It ultimately turns into a Freddy Krueger-lite affair. Fairly efficient at what it does, but nothing exciting. —Ken Hanke

Fracture (PG-13) Essentially a cat and mouse game a la Silence of the Lambs between stars Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling. Wealthy Ted Crawford (Hopkins) has discovered that wife Jennifer (Embeth Davidtz) is unfaithful. So he shoots her (though only enough to put her in a coma), hands over the weapon, confesses to the crime -— and then proceeds to prove how he couldn’t have done it, making a monkey out of hotshot assistant D.A. Willy Beachum (Gosling). It’s entertaining, but it’s also just Hopkins in one of his super intellect roles pitting his giant brain against a seemingly lesser adversary. Gosling even sounds like Clarice Starling. —Ken Hanke

Grindhouse (R) There’s one-half of a great movie here. Unfortunately, it’s not Quentin Tarantino’s. In an audacious move, Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez partnered to create this sprawling three-plus-hour homage to the kind of exploitation schlock that used to adorn the screens of grindhouse theatres and drive-ins back in the 1970s. The movie is actually a double feature (including faux trailers by the guest directors) of Rodriguez’s splattery zombie flick Planet Terror and Tarantino’s female revenge saga Death Proof. Both are done in crashingly bad taste, but only Rodriguez is completely successful. His entry is fast, funny, absurd, and gross, while Tarantino’s ultimately sinks itself in endless Tarantino-esque dialogues. —Ken Hanke

The Hoax (R) Lasse Hallström’s been the poster boy for tediously respectable awards-season fodder for so long that it was reasonable to assume he would never again come through with a film built on idiosyncratic energy. But last year he went goofy with Casanova, and now here he is, helming the adaptation of Clifford Irving’s infamous adventures as a literary world charlatan. And damned if he doesn’t give The Hoax a quality you couldn’t ascribe to many previous Hallström films: fun. Richard Gere and Alfred Molina head a great cast — Hope Davis, Stanley Tucci, Marcia Gay Harden, Eli Wallach — but the real star here is Hallström’s direction. Add a wonderfully funky Carter Burwell score, and you’ve got something that rarely loses momentum. —Scott Renshaw

Hot Fuzz (R) From the wildly witty guys who wrote 2004’s Shaun of the Dead — writer-star Simon Pegg and writer-director Edgar Wright — comes Hott Fuzz, and not a moment too soon. There was a palpable sense with Shaun that Pegg and Wright had, in their first feature film, instantly established a signature style, and Fuzz confirms that. It’s its own unique creature — a sendup of buddy cop movies, with no supernatural elements whatsoever — but it’s just as visually lively, just as crammed full of clever and literate wordplay, just as screamingly hilarious as Shaun of the Dead was. —MaryAnn Johanson

In the Land of Women (PG-13) Another Kasdan kid tries his hand at filmmaking. This time it’s Jonathan, with a fairly serious comedy-drama that wants to be Garden State and In Her Shoes, too -— and a bit like dad’s Big Chill while it’s at it. (A sub-Big Chill soundtrack doesn’t help it.) Unfortunately, this story of a young man (Adam Brody) nursing a broken heart by going to Michigan to care for his grandmother (Olympia Dukakis) isn’t any of those films, and its Lifetime-style drama about his involvement with the dysfunctional family across the street doesn’t change that. Nice to look at and stars Brody, Dukakis, Kristen Stewart, and Meg Ryan handle it well, but it’d play better on cable. —Ken Hanke

The Italian (PG-13) The Italian, a Russian film about how crummy Russia is, really captures both the truth and the attitude of the post-communist motherland. Every set has crumbling paint; weeds sprout through cracks in the muddy sidewalks; even the adults look like they’re wearing hand-me-downs. A couple of Italians want to adopt a Russian baby, but apparently, the tow-headed moppet likes living in the orphanage and working for a small gang of thieves. In spite of the film’s short length (90 minutes), it drags terribly in the middle; still the first and final thirds of the movie make it worth the watch. —James Digiovanna

Meet the Robinsons (G) Mildly diverting at best. The hook for this animated sci-fi flick lies in its “Real D” 3-D presentation, at least in theatres that support the format. The effect — a polarized process rather than anaglyphic 3-D — is indeed impressive and makes the film a pleasant novelty. What it doesn’t do is offer much appeal for anyone past the age of experiencing a major loss of social status unless he or she gets the tie-in lunchbox. Anyone else is apt to find the film a lightweight, overstuffed, and undercooked trifle. —Ken Hanke

The Namesake (PG-13) If you’re not a basketcase of sobby, sloppy tears of sadness and joy by the end of The Namesake, then I don’t know what’s wrong with you. It’s about one young Indian couple and how they dread to watch their American-born children grow up thoroughly American. But it’s really about that compromise that all parents and children negotiate that allows youngsters to be themselves while also honoring all that their ancestors have given them. And it is magnificent, as you would expect from filmmaker Mira Nair (Monsoon Wedding, Vanity Fair), whose perceptive eye for the tiny, overwhelming moments that make up a life once again creates a tapestry of emotion that is both delicate and gut-wrenching, and that haunts you long after the film is over. —MaryAnn Johanson

Pathfinder (R) With its perfect blend of plotlessness and complete lack of characterization, Pathfinder has a good chance of joining such films as The Beastmaster and The Running Man in constant basic cable rotation for the next 10 years. The film centers around Ghost (Karl Urban) a man of Norse decent who was abandoned in North America by a group of Viking invaders as a child. Fifteen year later, he finds himself joining in a fight against another Viking raid. It’s Last of the Mohicans meets The Thirteenth Warrior meets Apocalyto, and the stupidity grows exponentially. For hardcore decapitation fans only. —Justin Souther

Perfect Stranger (PG-13) Here I was, expecting a big-screen version of the old Bronson Pinchot TV series Perfect Strangers and instead I get Halle Berry and Bruce Willis IMing each other (carefully saying aloud everything they type for all the illiterates in the audience), in what is supposed to be a sexy thriller. Problem is, it’s neither sexy nor thrilling. Berry’s a hotshot reporter out to prove that Willis murdered her best friend, meaning of course that she has to seduce him (this is obviously how reporters do things). The big deal — besides the teaming of two stars with zero chemistry — is supposed to be the film’s trick ending, which is not only preposterous, but renders the first 90 minutes meaningless. —Justin Souther

Vacancy (PG-13) To hell with marriage counselling. According to director Nimrod Antal and screenwriter Mark L. Smith, nothing will fix a failed marriage faster than trapping the battling couple in a Roach Motel (“couples check in but they don’t check out”) where they’re slated to star in a snuff movie. Apart from paying for otherwise decent actors Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale, the costs here had to be virtually non-existent. Less gory and, thankfully, less inclined toward torture porn than so much modern “horror,” Vacancy is fairly effective at what it does. The problem is it doesn’t do anything you haven’t seen before. —Ken Hanke


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