Blotter: You're-a-peein' expressionism 

I Love Loosies

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Steve Stegelin

Blotter o' the Week: An artist in Marion Square called police to report that she caught a man urinating on her painting. That's the wrong way to watercolor.

A homeowner showed police surveillance footage of a woman walking up to the flower box on one of his windows and using scissors to cut the bulbs off of the flowers.

After being arrested for blocking the pathway of a police officer who was trying to arrest an 18-year-old for drinking at a bar, a 240-pound man told police he was having pain in his right shoulder. Following protocol, EMS took the man to the hospital. After being cleared medically, the man was wheeled out to a police cruiser, where he claimed he could not get into the car himself and forced several officers to lift him into the backseat. When the cruiser arrived at the jail, he got out and walked into the building on his own.

A police officer found a man walking down the sidewalk with his pants soaked from the waist down, his shoes in one hand, and a paper cup in the other hand. The officer asked the man what was in the cup, and he replied — care to guess? — "It's alcohol."

A man walked into a convenience store and asked to buy some loose cigarettes. When the cashier informed him that the store didn't sell loose cigarettes, the man threatened to kill him.

Somebody lifted a car up on concrete blocks and stole three of the rims and tires. Pretty jacked up, man.

Dirty Myrtle Tale o' the Week: When police woke up a man who was sleeping in his car at a red light, he said he had fallen asleep because he had been "partying all night" in Myrtle Beach. Police searched his car and found a stolen handgun and a roll of counterfeit $20 bills.

Police charged a man with an open container violation after they found him carrying a half-empty bottle of mouth wash that he had been drinking for non-hygienic purposes.

A police officer pulled a woman over after noticing that she had several toddlers in her vehicle without car seats. When she rolled down the window, the officer caught a strong whiff of marijuana. Another woman who was riding in the passenger seat admitted that she was carrying some weed in her underwear, which she pulled out and handed to the officer.

A woman walked into a luxury car dealership and used an electronic check from her bank to buy a car for $27,800. After she drove the car off the lot, the dealership tried calling her bank to see why they hadn't transferred the money yet, and they found out that the check was fraudulent. The bank told the dealership that this was not the first time the woman had pulled that stunt.

When police arrested a man on a public intoxication charge, he didn't have a photo ID but gave them a name and date of birth that matched a photo that looked like him in the police records system. It wasn't until officers checked his fingerprints at the jail that they realized he had given them the name of his identical twin brother. Ah yes, the ol' Parent Trap trick. Classic.

Two different employees confronted a stranger whom they found in their breakroom stealing from purses. The stranger told the first woman, "I am Joe. It's cool. I am Joe." He told the second woman, "It's fine. I am Earl. My name is Earl." Rule No. 1 of being a con man: Gotta keep your story straight.

Somebody stole an Army-issued helmet, vest, canvas bag, sleeping bag, and first-aid kit from the unlocked trunk of a car.

A man called police to report that a parking-enforcement boot had damaged the bumper on his car. The parking enforcement officer said that the bumper was already hanging down before he booted the car.

Open Containers o' the Week: An ice-cold can of beer hidden under a man's shirt, a red plastic cup of red wine in a car's center console, and a bottle of light beer at a bus stop.

When an officer knocked on the window of a pickup truck that was stopped in traffic and asked the man inside if he was OK, the driver replied, "Yes, I'm gay." After the man failed a field sobriety test, the officer arrested him on a DUI charge.

A man shoplifted a beer from a grocery store, knocked over a trashcan outside the store, and sat on the overturned trash can drinking the beer.

A man punched a 44-year-old man in the face after getting in an argument with him about sportsmanlike conduct at a recreation-league basketball game.


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