BLOTTER O' THE WEEK: Two people were caught with drug contraband in their left shoes on the same night. One had a crack pipe, and the other had some marijuana. They're still trying to kick the habit.
The Things They Shoplifted: A $100 pair of women's sunglasses, three bottles of wine, a violin-shaped Christmas ornament, two flavored milk straws, a citronella candle, a package of lemon-pepper seasoning, a cross pendant, and two jewelry boxes.
Someone ripped the antenna off of a car, along with the zero from the model number on the trunk lid. That's some awfully specific vengeance.
A man tried to shoplift a pair of shorts by taking them into a dressing room and putting them on underneath his basketball shorts. He got busted before he could even bust a sag.
Oh-Crap Moment o' the Week: An officer stopped to help a stranded motorist push his vehicle out of a busy highway. The driver failed to turn his steering wheel sharply enough, and his car hit the front bumper of the police cruiser.
When an officer asked to search a man's car, the man said, "Just let me grab a cigarette out of my car." He reached into the vehicle and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a bag of cocaine, which he tried to hide in some rags. Smoooooooth.
Somebody broke into a house and stole a man's high school diploma, a cell phone, and $25 worth of loose change. It just goes to show that crime doesn't pay ... much.
Somebody allegedly stole a man's insulin pen. Police are on the lookout for the Candyman.
After getting caught shoplifting, a woman ran away and locked herself in a ladies' restroom stall. It was, in retrospect, the worst getaway plan of all time.
A man stole a van exhaust system from the yard behind a car repair shop. Don't they have junkyard dogs anymore?
When cops asked a man to turn down the music he was blasting in his house, the man replied, "It's my fucking house, and I'll do whatever the fuck I want to do." Wrong answer. The police arrested him for his fifth noise violation charge since 2010.
The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We've added a cartoon and a little commentary. We've added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.