Blotter: Drinkers without Bordeaux 

"This is bulkhead."

Blotter o' the Week: Somebody broke into a car and stole 24 bottles of wine. That kind of crime is Bordeauxing on insane. Here's hoping this Merlot-life faces a stiff Pinot-lty.

One man got in a fight with 15 other men outside a strip club. By the time police arrived, the lone man had blood on his lips and was getting ready to re-enter the fray. All 16 guys started fighting again, and in the end, the cop only detained the lone man. The other 15 got away in taxis.

During a search, an officer found that a man was hiding two crack rocks in the flap of his boxers.

When asked where he thought he was, a drunk man sleeping on a bench in the heart of the tourist district replied that he was in Virginia Beach, Va.

Somebody stole an $800 Clemson class ring that was left on the bathroom counter in a gym.

A man who was in the hospital emergency room due to "alcohol-related issues" cursed out staff members, made threats, and brandished a belt when hospital security guards came in to deal with him. He eventually pulled a beer bottle out of his luggage and threw it at a hospital staff member, shattering it in the hallway.

While resisting a police stop, a woman tried to throw away a crack rock that was in her pocket. The crack rock came to rest on the hood of the officer's patrol vehicle.

Rookie Shoplifting Move o' the Week: A man walked into a downtown clothing store with a Belk bag in hand and started stashing clothes in the bag. A loss prevention officer was immediately suspicious because there is not a Belk downtown.

A man shoplifted eight packs of filet mignon and five packs of ribeye steak from a grocery store by hiding them in his clothing. Baggy clothes: More than meats the eye.

A man tried to shoplift three fold-up scooters from a sporting goods store by putting them in a shopping cart and walking out the door. He obviously didn't scoot fast enough, because a security guard stopped him and pinned him to the ground.

After getting thrown out of a bar for starting a fight, a man told a police officer, "This is fucking bullshit, fuck you." The cop flagged down a taxi to take the man home, but the man started hollering that he was "not getting in the fucking cab." The officer indulged the man's wishes and put him in the back of a police cruiser in handcuffs.

Stolen From Homes This Week: A television, a laptop computer, two smart phones, an XBox with four controllers and eight games, $650 in cash, and 70 hydrocodone pills.

Somebody stole an ice company box truck and was seen driving it down the interstate without any headlights on. Talk about dark deeds done in cold blood.

All-Time Low o' the Week: After banging on someone's door loudly at 2:30 a.m. and waking up the neighbors, a woman was found "sitting on the bumper of a truck with what appeared to be vomit on her pants leg," according to a police incident report. After being arrested on a charge of public drunkenness, the woman arrived at the jail and realized she had accidentally picked someone else's purse up at the bar earlier in the night.

A bartender cut a woman off and told her to leave the bar. When the woman refused, the bar staff fetched a police officer, who asked to see the woman's identification, to which she replied, over and over again, "This is bulkhead." The cop put the woman on trespass notice, and after leaving the bar to use the bathroom, the woman returned and started grabbing an officer and yelling profanities. As she was being arrested on a disorderly conduct charge, the woman screamed, "I can't believe you treat white people like this!"

After a cop tried to pull a man over for erratic driving, the man parked the car, got out, and started running. Police officers found him hiding inside a food truck. He also had weed in his car and was driving with a suspended license.

Shortly after getting out of jail, a man was seen running to his car and hurriedly undressing from all-black clothes. A cop stopped him to ask what was going on, and the man explained he was just changing clothes. Police searched the car and found some Xanax and heroin inside.

Somebody stole a smart phone with a Joan Jett sticker on the back. The thief must not have given a damn about his/her bad reputation.

In an elementary school parking lot, a parent found a syringe containing an unidentified purple liquid. The parent handed it over to a school nurse, who handed it over to police, who couldn't figure out what was in the syringe and took it back to the police station to be destroyed.


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