BLOTTER O' THE WEEK Police stopped a man who was walking down the street carrying an axe, a hammer, and an open bottle of vodka.
Two armed robbers entered a man's apartment and forced him to hand over his Xbox, his laptop, and his stash of marijuana. Well, there went the weekend.
In the most half-baked moneymaking scheme of the week, a man rented a generator and then pawned it.
The Things They Shoplifted: Two pairs of earrings, two pairs of sunglasses, two 24-packs of beer, a bag of chips, a $158 pair of pants, and a $178 shirt.
A wallet was stolen from a sandwich shop. None of the heroes in the room were able to save the day.
After shoplifting several T-shirts by putting them on in a dressing room, a man ran away from a store and climbed a fence onto the interstate, nearly kicking a loss prevention officer who was chasing him in the process.
A man whose car keeps getting keyed at night told police he thinks the vehicle has mistakenly become involved in his neighbors' love triangle.
A man drank a bottle of whiskey in less than an hour and then, according to witnesses, harassed people at a boat dock, yelled obscenities, and waved a knife around.
19th-Century Crime o' the Week: Someone stole two sterling silver candle snuffers and a set of silver salt-and-pepper shakers, and then he tried to pawn them for $80.
Someone stole $20 in change from a vehicle. That's a whole lot of coin.
A man tried to shoplift several packages of hot dogs, two bags of ice, two steaks, two packages each of chicken and ground beef, and a sweet tea lemonade. His dreams of a perfect Fourth of July were dashed when a store manager caught him tossing the stuff into his pickup bed.
Quitter o' the Week: A recently fired employee of a food delivery company walked into the office, peed on his uniform, and then punched a co-worker in the face.
A woman walked out on her front porch and found a bag of crack cocaine. Say yes to rocking chairs and no to crack rocks, y'all.
Somebody broke the glass door to a shoe store. The police department's best gumshoes are on the case.
Unenviable Position o' the Week: On the ground in someone else's backyard, stinking drunk, with urine on one's pants and the zipper undone.
When asked where he had gotten a pistol, a man replied, "From my peoples. It isn't stolen."
Excuse o' the Week: Upon getting pulled over for rolling past a stop sign, a bicyclist told an officer, "I ain't got time for this shit! I got drinks!"
A woman told police that a fellow cosmetology school student had tried to run her off the road in her car and repeatedly told her, in person, "I should beat yo behind."
Cops found a man aiming what looked like a rifle at the bottom of a Crosstown overpass, and they ordered him to drop his weapon. Turns out he was shooting birds with a pellet gun.
A shoplifter tried to walk out of a store carrying two bedding sets he hadn't paid for. He made that bed, and now he has to lie in it.
Totally-Not-Guilty Response o' the Week: When asked if he had anything illegal in his car, a man replied, "Uh ... no." He was carrying several bags of weed.
The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We've added a cartoon and a little commentary. We've added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.