Also, I want to have sympathy for people who are infertile, but until infertile people stop believing that adoption will cure their infertility, and stop believing that tearing another family apart is an acceptable way to build their own (and you can't build a family, you can only grow it), as far as I'm concerned, none of them deserve any sympathy. Lots of us have things we want to do in life but are unable to do them. You don't solve a problem like that by hurting other people. Ever. And even if both parents are happy about the adoption (and good luck finding any bioparent who is genuinely happy about losing children--usually the few who are, are sociopaths), that doesn't mean the child is happy. A baby is happy with three outfits, clean diapers and a box to play in. They want Mommy and Daddy. They don't need Rich Buyers With A Pony And An Annual Trip To Disney World.
You'd have to be crazy to suggest shared custody in this situation. The Capobiancos knew from the time Ronnie was four months old that her daddy wanted her. They could have spared her the trauma of going back to him at age two point something if they had given her back at four months. And her mother could have spared her the original trauma of losing Mommy, as all adopted newborn infants experience (whether the adoption industry admits it or not), if she'd thought more about her daughter and a little less about herself. Unless it comes out that Christy Maldonado met a new fella while Dusten Brown was off in training during their engagement, Maldonado was trying to get out of paying child support to yet a third child after much back and forth and fighting with the father of her other two children. What she did was reprehensible and no one with the full facts of the case could possibly argue that this was a valid adoption situation from day one, ICWA or no ICWA. In any case, none of you would share custody with, say, your child's school teachers or bus driver or the minister at your church. Don't ask this man to share his daughter with strangers either, especially not strangers who have exploited this little girl (have you seen the perfume line they started, named after her?) and made a media circus out of her.
Also I would like to add, if no one else has said this already and I've not the stomach to read all these ignorant comments to find out:
The Capobiancos CAUSED Veronica's initial trauma. They knew very well that her father is registered tribal Cherokee. V's mother knew this too. She put down her child's ethnicity as Latino (which she is in part) and did not mention V's Cherokee ancestry. Which, by the way, Cherokee membership IS determined by ancestry, NOT by blood quantum. And I notice very few of you knew that or cared to find out.
THEN, since Dusten Brown objected to losing his rights immediately after signing the paper (the lawyer presenting it to him told him what it was after he had signed it, not before), and retained a lawyer before leaving for Iraq, it was KNOWN to the Capobiancos that he did not want to completely lose his daughter. Be realistic here: he was going to Iraq, and could hardly raise her there. He had thought his ex would keep her and take care of her. That's not an unreasonable assumption.
But as they KNEW Veronica is Cherokee, KNEW her dad wanted to retain rights to her (if not custody), and they kept her ANYWAY and dragged things through the court system, they ENSURED that she would be traumatized by her removal from them later. They could have averted all that by making custody arrangements with Brown's side of the family, the exact same way he would have had to make arrangements with his family had he had Veronica all along and then been deployed to Iraq. Just exactly like single Army soldier parents do every day.
Wah wah wah, Dusten Brown's so mean. No one criticizing him, with the exception of the Capobiancos and their lawyer, bothered looking into the details of this case and exactly what went down and why. The bottom line is the Capobiancos paid good money for their baby product and they will get no refund; damned if they're going to be out both several thousand dollars AND a kid.
Brown was taking no money from the Capobiancos and as V's mother relinquished her parental rights, he probably was getting no child support from her either. He took on time and effort and personal expense in getting Veronica back (and that's not including what he had to pay a lawyer). It's not like he was getting any sort of profit from this. But he also didn't pay several thousand dollars to make a baby in the first place, so he still had less to lose from getting his daughter back.
And it isn't any of you's place to tell the Cherokee Nation how to count someone as Cherokee. And it's no skin off your noses if they care enough about their own children to want to keep them in the tribe. That puts them way ahead of us white people who, the first time we think someone's not perfect enough to be a parent, we encourage them to give their child away to total strangers. We disrespect our own children in buying and selling and trading them, then we presume to judge Native Americans. Give me a break. Get your own house in order before you tell someone else what to believe. Do you know where all your kids and nieces and nephews and grandkids are? Did they all stay in your family? If not, did you make any effort to *keep* them in your family? Doubt it. You will have to answer to them someday, if they haven't been brainwashed enough by the adoption industry and its sycophants to be grateful you abandoned them.
The Capobiancos never adopted Veronica, therefore they are not her adoptive parents.
Furthermore, all this started because Veronica's mother arbitrarily decided to dump V's father. They were engaged, she would have been a military wife and she had health coverage and other benefits plus control of his paycheck in her future once she had married him. No one that I am aware of has said why she broke up with him; I can only guess she met a new guy and wanted to be totally shut of Dusten Brown.
For his part, Dusten Brown was obviously confused as to the difference between child custody and parental rights. Which says nothing about his intelligence or anything else; LOTS of people do not know the difference between the two. Additionally, he did not have legal representation when he signed what he thought was a relinquishment of CUSTODY. As far as I know there is no right to a lawyer inherent in any family court matter. Losing your children is more permanent and damaging than going to jail for six months; yet if you face going to jail for six months, you have an automatic right to a lawyer, and if you can't afford one, one will be provided for you.
Why do we allow murderers and rapists a free lawyer, but an Army soldier being stabbed in the back and losing his daughter forever has no right to one? Yes, there's JAG (for those of you who are familiar with the military), but they don't address family-court situations either. They serve in a UCMJ capacity only.
When are we going to talk about serious reform of adoption and the family-court system in general, rather than cheering on this destruction of families all over the United States in the name of making infertile people happy? It's not our jobs to make infertile people happy. They are all grown up and they can take responsibility for that themselves, and NOT by stealing children by false pretense or by bribing pregnant women or any other ridiculous means. No one can get everything they want in life. Mature people learn how to cope with that fact. If this couple do not have that level of maturity then certainly they've got no business raising a child. And they've had the easy part already. Babies may keep you up all night when young or sick but you will never have it that easy again once they get old enough to get into things and get themselves into trouble. So the Capobiancos haven't really been tested yet. But with their behavior thus far I think it's a pretty fair bet that they are going to cause Veronica some serious issues in the long run. Not a fate anyone should wish for her. She has her father, even if her mother has abandoned her. Leave her to it.
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