We know. We know. You’ve been good all year. Especially good. Tragically, dreadfully, gut-wrenchingly good. After all, you had to make up for all the bad stuff you did last year. Just thinking about a few of the things you did is making us blush. But this year, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You’ve been a perfect little angel, a shining example for all of us to follow. And so you deserve to be on Santa’s Nice List. Bravo.
You were bad in 2011. Very, very bad. So bad the things that you did over the course of the past year would make the Marquis de Sade put down his quill and head to a confessional booth. You’re our kind of person. But Santa’s? Well ... not so much. Then again, who needs him to begin with when you’ve got more significant others than Jesse James and Tiger Woods combined? They’ll buy you whatever it is that you need. More importantly, they’ll give you exactly what you want. NOTE: ADULT CONTENT