What are the judges of Bravo t.v. shows smoking? It was bad enough when Atlantan Eli got the can this week on Top Chef, when we all know the younger Voltaggio sucked it up. I suppose I can get over it for the reasons that a brother versus brother finale makes for better television and that my real love, Kevin, is still holding strong. But then they had to go pick Irina over Charleston native Carol Hannah? FOR SHAME! Just because she's cranky and gothic and wants to wear black every day of the week doesn't mean that shoppers want to. All I can say is get your shit together, Bravo.

I read with great interest the letter to the Post and Courier, on August 24th that was titled "Ticket defies logic". A few days before I had begun counting the number of illegally parked vehicles in the Historic District, while giving bus tours. I used the following crteria: any vehicle in a clearly marked "NO PARKING" zone; passenger cars in commercial loading zones; any vehicle in spaces assigned to CARTA buses and tour buses only; any vehicle blocking a fire hydrant or driveway; any vehicle parked facing the wrong way on a two-way street. During thirty working days, between August 17th and September 30th, I counted a total of 3,619 vehicles using the above criteria. That is an average of 120 vehicles per day. On saturdays and sundays, that average is 2-4 times more. There were some instances where I counted a vehicle multiple times. For several months, there has been an older model brown GMC van parked on Rutledge Avenue, near Colonial Lake, in a Residential Parking Permit District without the required parking permit decal. During this time, I have never seen it ticketed, towed, or booted. The for illegally parking in a tour bus stop is $45.00. That is a total of $162,855 in loss revenue. By the way, that GMC van belongs to [removed], so I guess we'll let him slide for now.

I'm tired of mommy's in their SUV's racing the streets of Charleston like they are the only ones on the road! The most recent rant against the cops doing their job is a prime example. I could only visualize is one these mom's, that I so detest, spewing on about how she should not get a ticket in front of her child's school; because she thought she was Jeff Gordon at Darlington. I wish more of you would get pulled over and be embarrassed, maybe then you would stop driving like your trying to get Nextel Cup points. Thank you to the cop for doing his job despite the rain and this Jeff Gordon wannabe!

I hate that with all the hype down town gets, NOBODY seems to have a video on YouTube or something with a clip of the old Sonny Goldberg commercial. He is a real Charleston icon and maybe he wasn't around for the NEW King St., but damn it he was awesome! Go, Sonny, Go Sonny Goldberg!

When you're broke like me, spending a Sunday with the parents is like a mini-vacation. They pamper you and feed you for free and you can always swipe some extra toilet paper or Toaster Streudels lying around. But this Sunday turned out a little different than expected when I was awoken at 8 a.m. and informed that I'd be helping them move every piece of furniture in the house outside. Four hours and a gallon of sweat later I knew the real price of love.

Here's a hate message for last week's Pretty Lights hater. Instead of being pissed off at the out-of-towners who "trashed our city" and bothered police officers, the criticism should really go to the people who so poorly put on that Halloween party. The reason why drunk crunked people were roaming the streets was because permits weren't purchased and security kicked everyone out early. Also, there are other staff members who worked the party for the promise of hundreds in payment, and are now being conveniently avoided. So, instead of hating on a performer who gives fans his music online for free and everyone was in a tizzy to see, the real criticism should be placed on the production company who ripped off us all due to their own incompetence. Including the citizens of this fair city

I'm not bitter that I got a speeding ticket...I am ANGRY because when I was 'apprehended,' I was driving down the road about to drop off my 4 year old at pre-school. I wouldn't have turned into the school had I thought he was even after me. So, when this baby cop came up to my window (I was directly in front of the school door now), I said i realize I sped, but can we NOT do this in front of the school? I said the other 4 year olds and their teachers will be out here on this sidewalk right in front of us in 30 seconds and I don't think my son should have to sit through this humiliation. So he moves us 20 feet down. Thanks for nothing. He then proceeds to write me up a ticket (it took TEN MINUTES)...I asked him repeatedly to please turn off the blue lights, so as to lessen the outright drama of it. Nope. THEN, the torrential rain starts, and my mood changes with it. I refused to be humble and sweet in the face of this, so when he finally showed up with his prized traffic ticket, I yanked it out of his hand. He then, predictably, made a huge deal out of that behavior (an obvious attempt to shift blame b/c if anything, he must've realized what a bottom-feeder move this whole thing was). Moral of the story: don't count on grace or class out of a guy in a uniform, you might instead receive complete disrespect and shame, and your little children might get to watch.

Facebook has officially crossed the line. It's gone outside of its digital boundaries and violated me. I'm checking out at Best Buy and the cashier gives me a quizzical once-over. "Hey man, where do I know you from?" Internally: "I've never seen you before, this is awkward, just let me buy my Wilco album and we'll pretend this never happened." Turns out one of my friend's tagged me in some photos from a party the night before, and now, thanks to the marvels of social networking, he "knows" me. Something tells me I wouldn't have been as upset if this was a random hot girl.

To all the people that came up to see Pretty Lights last weekend only to have the shows cancelled last minute: Deserves You Right. There were so many annoying people from upstate and neighboring states rolling their nuts off, running out in front of cars, shot-gunning beers on the sidewalks and acting as though they have never been in an urban environment before. Besides the fact that Pretty Lights absolutely blows and is a disgrace to electronic music, (it's like the new Dave Matthew's for frat kids) the fact that you people can't have a good time otherwise, rather than trash our city and bother our police officers out of spite is obnoxious as best.

The new fire marshal sucks! He would rather see a riot in the streets than a reputable business going a little over their occupancy. Guess he was hired by the same guy who banned the art walks. Does anyone else remember when Charleston was a fun town? It only takes a couple of bad seeds to ruin a good town. Where are we going next? I'm ready.

I don't wanna get into something along the lines of our current national healthcare debate. Let's be honest, though. The healthcare industry has needed a good bitch slap for quite some time now. What a bunch of bullies when it comes to actual charges. I'll make my point using those damned ultrasound machines. It's over $800 a pop to use these jokers! That can't be right. A certain A-list celebrity recently bought one for roughly $800,000 and I bet it was "top of the line". So, let's say one is used only 5 times a day and only five days a week. At $800 a pop, they've paid for that #@!& long wooden mixing spoon %$#@ of a contraption in 10 months!!! Next time you have to have an ultrasound, at least fart on it while you're there.

Now lets talk a waste of space. There are many thinks that waste a lot more space than this. Take for example any bill or letter or snail mail spam. They all have some sort of think that they already sent you previously but they insist on sending it to you again. Now lets look at politics shall we? All the bills in congress have to be over 1500 pages long. Who the fuck reads this shit? Most of it is bull shit not related to the bill itself. There are many people in politics that are wasting space right now. Most of which came from this state here. Lets not forget the fat fucks too. They have to get special seats on the fucking bus and special toilets to hold their fat asses up. Am I forgetting anyone here? If so leave a comment and I will get to you. Thank you for reading my waste of space... Have a good day!

Dear college folks across the street from my smith street house, I think you need to euthanize your dog. I'm under the impression that you've sectioned off the front room of your house so that the rabid dog you keep doesn't rip your throats out. This dog barks probably 6 hours a day and sounds like it is hungry for blood. It echoes through my house and down the street like a horror movie. I do see people go into your house. I don't sit on my porch long enough to see them leave, so I'm going to safely assume that you feed them to your flesh-hungry dog. I am guessing it barks because of every fucking college student that passes your home in the morning. I thought after a few months that it would get used to foot traffic but obviously not. I'm assuming you can't walk the pup because it would rip off someone's leg below the knee, judging by the way it feels about people walking by your window. I think all of Smith street between vanderhorst and calhoun would be a lot happier if you moved, euthanize your dog, or got eaten by the dog. I am not sure which would be better, but one of those options might shut your fucking dog up and leave us all in peace.

Old, skeezy men stay home this Halloween. I like getting dressed up, or dressed down, and going out on this festive occasion. I do not however like being the object of some old man's extreme sexual fantasy. So stop buying me drinks like you own me, stop demanding my attention on the dance floor, and for the love of all things good, leave me alone on the way home. And if you're not going to abide by these simple rules, don't get offended when I say "Go fuck yourself."

I hate people that high five. I'm not a high five type of person. But if a person puts their hand up and you refuse, you just seem like a lame jerk. So they're forcing you to do this thing that you don't want to do. Then if it's a bad high five, it's even worse. It makes me feel bad about myself if I can't high five well. And then I'm like, WTF, I'm really feeling bad about myself because I can't slap someone's hand really hard?? Down with high fivers!