To all the people that came up to see Pretty Lights last weekend only to have the shows cancelled last minute: Deserves You Right. There were so many annoying people from upstate and neighboring states rolling their nuts off, running out in front of cars, shot-gunning beers on the sidewalks and acting as though they have never been in an urban environment before. Besides the fact that Pretty Lights absolutely blows and is a disgrace to electronic music, (it's like the new Dave Matthew's for frat kids) the fact that you people can't have a good time otherwise, rather than trash our city and bother our police officers out of spite is obnoxious as best.

The new fire marshal sucks! He would rather see a riot in the streets than a reputable business going a little over their occupancy. Guess he was hired by the same guy who banned the art walks. Does anyone else remember when Charleston was a fun town? It only takes a couple of bad seeds to ruin a good town. Where are we going next? I'm ready.

I don't wanna get into something along the lines of our current national healthcare debate. Let's be honest, though. The healthcare industry has needed a good bitch slap for quite some time now. What a bunch of bullies when it comes to actual charges. I'll make my point using those damned ultrasound machines. It's over $800 a pop to use these jokers! That can't be right. A certain A-list celebrity recently bought one for roughly $800,000 and I bet it was "top of the line". So, let's say one is used only 5 times a day and only five days a week. At $800 a pop, they've paid for that #@!& long wooden mixing spoon %$#@ of a contraption in 10 months!!! Next time you have to have an ultrasound, at least fart on it while you're there.

Now lets talk a waste of space. There are many thinks that waste a lot more space than this. Take for example any bill or letter or snail mail spam. They all have some sort of think that they already sent you previously but they insist on sending it to you again. Now lets look at politics shall we? All the bills in congress have to be over 1500 pages long. Who the fuck reads this shit? Most of it is bull shit not related to the bill itself. There are many people in politics that are wasting space right now. Most of which came from this state here. Lets not forget the fat fucks too. They have to get special seats on the fucking bus and special toilets to hold their fat asses up. Am I forgetting anyone here? If so leave a comment and I will get to you. Thank you for reading my waste of space... Have a good day!

Dear college folks across the street from my smith street house, I think you need to euthanize your dog. I'm under the impression that you've sectioned off the front room of your house so that the rabid dog you keep doesn't rip your throats out. This dog barks probably 6 hours a day and sounds like it is hungry for blood. It echoes through my house and down the street like a horror movie. I do see people go into your house. I don't sit on my porch long enough to see them leave, so I'm going to safely assume that you feed them to your flesh-hungry dog. I am guessing it barks because of every fucking college student that passes your home in the morning. I thought after a few months that it would get used to foot traffic but obviously not. I'm assuming you can't walk the pup because it would rip off someone's leg below the knee, judging by the way it feels about people walking by your window. I think all of Smith street between vanderhorst and calhoun would be a lot happier if you moved, euthanize your dog, or got eaten by the dog. I am not sure which would be better, but one of those options might shut your fucking dog up and leave us all in peace.

Old, skeezy men stay home this Halloween. I like getting dressed up, or dressed down, and going out on this festive occasion. I do not however like being the object of some old man's extreme sexual fantasy. So stop buying me drinks like you own me, stop demanding my attention on the dance floor, and for the love of all things good, leave me alone on the way home. And if you're not going to abide by these simple rules, don't get offended when I say "Go fuck yourself."

I hate people that high five. I'm not a high five type of person. But if a person puts their hand up and you refuse, you just seem like a lame jerk. So they're forcing you to do this thing that you don't want to do. Then if it's a bad high five, it's even worse. It makes me feel bad about myself if I can't high five well. And then I'm like, WTF, I'm really feeling bad about myself because I can't slap someone's hand really hard?? Down with high fivers!

Why were people wandering around downtown on Saturday in Halloween costumes? I can see if the 31st was going to be on a weeknight, but the holiday actually falls on a Saturday this year. Are we that desperate to dress up like little kids more than one night a year that we now make it a week-long event? Seriously people, buy a calendar.

Ever noticed how the male end of any couple in a commercial ends up being a moron? It usually goes something like this. A guy will be attempting to water a flower bed for his wife. He will then become distracted by something, (i.e. football, beer, sex), and then proceed to destroy said flowers. The wife will look out the window and realize that once again her husband has the intelligence of a small puppy. Fortunately for her, she has a body wash that's so incredible it allows her to forget why she married him in the first place.

As much as I try to be a responsible, earth-loving person, I know I am not perfect - such as when I use "disposable" plasticware due to the convenience. However, I try to make this a rare ocassion because plastic is not really disposable at all and it takes hundreds of years to break apart (and only into smaller and smaller pieces). With that fact in mind, I hate that so many bars (dare I say all of them) use a variety of plastic cups as if there were no environmental harm. Not only are the cups being used for beers, mixed drinks and shots, they are used for purely wasteful reasons (like helping shake a drink for 3 seconds or covering a drink at the bar while someone runs to the bathroom) and then the plastic cups get tossed in the trash. The 2 seconds it took for the bartender to decide to use a plastic cup has now resulted in hundreds of years of waste in the local landfill. This practice needs to stop now. If the city won't mandate the use of reusable dishware, then bars/restaurants must make the choice themselves. At the very least, if you are a bartender, think twice (no, thrice) before reaching for that plastic cup. Reducing the use of plastic across the board is a great thing to do, but starting with cups seems like a simple place to start. While using a plastic cup may seem like a quick, easy thing to do now, it has a lot of long-term negative impacts, so please be a little more selfless and do your part to save the planet.

World Oriental Kitchen sucks. Hard. Period.

-gqbound

Emo kids these days just don't know how to rock. And neither do the hippies; they're too busy learning some obscure African instrument or switching instruments on stage to do it. Stinky danky fuckers. Who knew that real rockers no longer knew that rock is about slippin' and a sliddin', shootin' and snortin'. It's about looking out at your audience, every single girl and boy, and saying, I'm going to fuck you and you and you and you. We're going to turn this smokey arena into an orgy of Roman proportions. Somebody sacrifice a goat, stat. And give me some fucking grapes. That's how you do it. Singing "Rooster" by Alice in Chains is not the way — this is like one of the silliest, ultra-serious songs in the history of rock. The only people who like it are wannabe frontliners peeling potatoes in the Army mess house and rednecks remembering their first sexual experience. If you cover this song, you cannot hope to be taken seriously. It is a curse that dooms any who play it to never making it out of their hometown.

Loud noises are never welcome at 3 a.m. But on Cannon Street they are even more alarming. All of this fear is heightened by the explosion snapping me out of a nightmare involving a flaming Cadillac and my grandmother. Punctuated by the usual hissing cats and anonyomous screams my nightmare became reality.

To the herd of cyclists riding south on King St. a couple weeks ago - About six of you were riding together, when all of a sudden one of you strayed from the pack... It was at the King and Calhoun St. intersection where one lane turns into two. I am assuming the young man who began swerving through traffic did not see my huge vehicle turning left (with my blinker on indicating I was turning left). I tapped my horn to warn you I was basically parallel with you, and other vehicles that followed that might crush your narrow-minded brain; all in hopes you would live to see another day. Being it was a gorgeous day outside I had my windows down, and as I passed you but a moment after I GENTLY tapped my horn I heard loud and clear..... "F'IN A**HOLE!!!" Now I'm not a huge "green freak," but I do appreciate your decision using your bike as a mode of transportation in our beautiful city. However, you unknowingly made my day (which of all days was the day I was born 25 years ago) pretty crappy following your two cents' worth on the situation. And worst of all, a couple weeks later I am still thinking about it.
You never know what your words will express to whom on any given day and in situations in which you have no control.
P.S. I hope you fall off your bike and have a minor injury.

Why do these idiots think its OK to bring their dogs into bars? Number one its a DHEC violation and number two, how do I know if your four legged pal isn't social with anybody else but you? My rat snake loves me but do you really want to sit next to me with him on my lap while I have a few beers? No? But he's so cute and wuvs his widdle daddykins. Please leave the pets at home.