Friday, June 12, 2009

Did Sanford come away from the stimulus battle a winner?

Posted by Chris Haire on Fri, Jun 12, 2009 at 7:52 AM

fb45/1244807576-___090401.sanfordtree_resize.jpg
Well, Chris Good of the Atlantic seems to think so?

Liberals and moderates will probably still think of Sanford as the governor who didn't want to go along with Obama's job-saving plan, and who rejected free money in the face of an economic crisis (though Sanford's point is that the money wasn't free). But to conservatives, he's an anti-big-government-spending, anti-federal-power-grab, anti-Obama-socialist-regime icon, hamstrung by South Carolina's legislature, its court, and the stimulus language that gave legislatures a way to get around his opposition.

It's now over for Sanford. He can rake in his conservative credits and say, honestly, that there was nothing more he realistically could have done to fight on. Liberals already think his objection was a bit ridiculous, so he hasn't lost much there.

By accepting the decision, he remains within the national mainstream—going along with the stimulus program as other GOP governors have, even as he objects to it. If he fought the stimulus to the death, he'd risk looking like a radical.

Topics: Stimulus Plan, State Politics, National Politics

Thursday, June 11, 2009

DeMint still has Big Brother on his mind

The power of Orwell compels the Upstate senator to hypothesize

Posted by Chris Haire on Thu, Jun 11, 2009 at 6:44 AM

fba2/1244717084-tea_party_demint_resize.jpg
Previously, I've written about how Jim DeMint has begun to bat around a little idea comparing Obama to George Orwell's Big Brother.

What a hack.

Seriously, dude. That's like a major op-ed foul. Only a rank amatuer does that sort of thing. Next thing you know, he'll be comparing the Obama administration to the Nazis and Malia and Sasha to the SS.

And now he's back with the Big Brother talk once again. Oh brother.

In a recent op-ed published at Fox News, Demint said:

"Right now, liberals may cheer at the corporate takeovers President Obama has engineered, but only because they agree with his politics. They like the idea of the government forcing Detroit to make green cars, regardless of their profitability. They like the proposed takeovers of the student loan and health care industries. They like the idea of the treasury secretary divvying out $700 billion to whomever he pleases without congressional appropriation. They like these things now because they like and trust the current president and his appointees.

But what happens when Obama leaves office? Do liberals really want a conservative Republican in charge of Wall Street and Detroit, to be the nation’s loan officer for college tuition or home mortgages? What is to stop a future administration from taking over troubled newspapers, movie studios, or television networks, and operating them according to its partisan ends?"

Well, I'll tell you what'll stop'em, Jim. You and me.

See, in the future, we're going to get together, and we're going to like right wrongs and stuff — we'll bring back Pushing Daises, reform Guns n' Roses (that Axl-led band aint' them), find the Flying Spaghetti Monster and eat him, and give tax cuts to every small business owner so they can hire an invisible elf who will willingly transfer all of his hard-earned earnings right back into the bank accounts of his bossman.

But now's not the time, Jim. We have to wait. Be patient, buddy. Our time will come.

Topics: Stimulus Plan, National Politics

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Mark Sanford gets Stone'd

Governor apathetic about the possible 'political irrelevance' of the GOP

Posted by Chris Haire on Sun, Jun 7, 2009 at 10:03 AM

6417/1244383737-___090401.sanfordtree_resize.jpg Don't believe the hype folks — the new Green Day album, 21th Century Breakdown, isn't all that. Yes, Billie Joe and Co. continue to mature as artists — and make a very valid case that they've earned their own private sky box in the rock 'n' roll coliseum. They're not in contention for naming rights or anything like that, but these guys have certainly exceded all expectations — and then some.

Think of it like this: If their rock opera, American Idiot, was their Tommy, then this is their Quadrophenia, an ambitious but mightly flawed attempt to duplicate a previous success. If only they had recalled that The Who delievered the masterful Who's Next before stumbling with Quadrophenia.

That said, I'm still hopeful these guys will deliver another classic album, and I was glad to see them on the cover of the May 28 Rolling Stone. Of course, I haven't read the article yet. And I probably won't.

See, the primary reason I read Rolling Stone is for their political coverage. In some ways, it's similiar to the reason why I kept subscribing to Playboy year after year even when there's free porn o'plenty on the intertubes — the Playboy Interview was a fave read, an indepth and unihibited beauty which turned the spotlight on movers and shakers, world leaders, sports heroes, actors, musicians, and writers. You could always expect a jolly good time. Until, well, it went ga-ga over celebutards. The magazine that paired Alex Haley and Malcom X together for their first interview no longer exists. Bummer.

Rolling Stone, on the other hand, has more or less maintained a level of quality with their political coverage. And right now, with Matt Taibbi on their team, they're really at a high point (much like they were with Hunter S. Thompson's campaign coverage in '72 and P.J. O'Rourke's glory days in the mid to late '80s.) I look forwad, once again, to every issue.

As expected, the National Affairs article in the May 28 issue was another dandy. The subject: The GOP Jihad and their quest to purge the party of moderates and their increasingly idiotic turn to a just-say-no to everything right.

Not surprisingly, South Carolina's very own Mark Sanford gets major play in the piece. In fact, the entire last chunk of Tim Dickinson's story is focused on the Palmetto State guv.

Well, I'd like to give you a link to the parts on Sanford, but I can't. Rolling Stone has posted only the beginning bits. You'll have to track down the issue for yourself — Green Day's on the cover, remember.

However, he's a taste of what was said:

Sanford is, in the parlance of politics, a beautiful loser. Like Goldwater before him, he's a candidate of unwavering devotion to ultraconservative ideals, which makes him an electoral nonstarter. Even Sanford seems aware of the limited appeal of his "tough shit" message at a moment of grave economic distress. "There's not a particular appetite for austerity in austere times," he says. "But if that's what you believe, if that is where you're coming from, you need to let it out and you need to make the case for why, in fact, that approach is better than the next guy's."

I ask Sanford if the retreat to that core — at a time when Americans are looking for, if not a handout, a least a hand up — threatens to relegate the GOP to political irrelevance for the foreseeable future.

"I suppose it does," he says simply. "And I can live with that."

Topics: Stimulus Plan, National Politics, Local Politics

Thursday, May 7, 2009

A challenge to Jim DeMint from the Slumber Party

Posted by Chris Haire on Thu, May 7, 2009 at 4:36 PM

8cb5/1241727209-sleep_day_one_resize.jpgFor weeks and weeks, something has bothered me to no end. Something I just can’t figure out. And it’s left me a mental mess.

Occasionally I find myself staring blankly into the TV screen; it’s off and I’ve lost all sense of time and oh my God, am I drooling? But I’m not ... I haven’t ... not in years. What the bloody hell is happening to me? Has Paula Abdul’s pill-popping soul departed her body and leapt into mine.

Oh, wait, I know what happened. I was thinking about Theodis Ealey’s “Stand Up in It” again.

What? You haven’t heard “Stand Up in It”? That’s OK. The song is in regular rotation on 1390 WXTC, the Lowcountry’s new classic soul station, if you want to hear. It's a great station. You should be listening to it.

But, here's the thing: if “Stand Up in It” comes on, you need to turn the dial immediately. I beg you.

Not that “Stand Up in It” isn’t a sweet bit of ear candy. It’s just that it’ll rot your brain. Or at least the lyrics will.

Let me show you what I mean:

All you wanna be lovers
There’s something you need to know
Now this old lady told me a story a long time ago.

She said Theodis, men think they know what women want
But the truth about the whole thing is boy they really don’t.
She said, I had a man who thought he was the worlds greatest lover
But when you add his time up
He was just a five minute brother

He used to lick it
Mmmm
He used to stroke it
You know one night we was makin love he said
This thing is so damn good I wanna put it in my pipe and smoke it.

She said Theodis you need to know
That you can lick it
And you can stroke it
And you can kiss it
And you can eat it
But you ain’t done a dog gone thing until you stand up in it

Stand up in it? What the hell does that mean?

Stroke it, kiss it, eat it — I understand. But “stand up in it”? Is this something involving strapping on a pair of goulashes? Dressing up like Paddington Bear? Eating toast and marmalade?

Seriously, Theodis, how is this song supposed to help me become a world-class lover if I can’t figure out what the Sam Jackson you’re talking about. Clarence “Strokin’” Carter, you are not. Cripes, you’re not even Billy Squier. (Editor’s note: I just discovered that Squier’s classic rock jingle “The Stroke” has nothing to do with hairy palms and going blind. It appears to be about slimy music execs. What a disappointment.)

Maybe I should ask Jim DeMint, South Carolina’s junior birdman in the U.S. Senate. Judging by a recent op-ed in the Rupert Murdoch-owned Wall Street Journal, the man’s mind is in the gutter.

Here’s what naughty-minded Mr. DeMint had to say:

“To win back the trust of the American people, we must be a ‘big tent’ party. But big tents need strong poles, and the strongest pole of our party — the organizing principle and the crucial alternative to the Democrats — must be freedom.”

Big tents? Strong polls? The thrust of the American people? Jim, buddy, this is The Wall Street Journal, not a pun-filled ad for Enzyte. (Oh. My bad. He said “trust of the American people.”)

Well, I don’t know about the rest of South Carolina, but I’ve had enough, and so have my brothers and sisters in the Slumber Party. And we’ve finally decided to do something about it.

So here goes, Jim: You me. It’s time we faced off. Not in the political arena. Nope. In the bedroom. I challenge you to a pillow fight.

That’s the only way we’re going to be able to bring this feud to an end.

Now, I know that you probably don’t do things this way. You’re used to facing off against people in elections. But that’s not how we in the Slumber Party do things.

So, how about it, Jim? Friday, night. My house. A sleepover. You’re invited. Bring your pillow and prepare to pummelled.

And if that doesn’t settle it, then we’ll move on to a game of truth or dare. And if we’re lucky, maybe spin the bottle.

Topics: Stimulus Plan, State Politics
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