Tuesday, December 11, 2012

CNN reveals who will take Jim DeMint's place

Ricardo Montalban for Senate

Posted by Chris Haire on Tue, Dec 11, 2012 at 1:44 PM

The mystery is over.

The one that has plagued us since last week.

The one that has led to countless hours of twittering speculation.

And, well, ladies and gentlemen, we have an answer.

It's Khan.

Yes, you heard it right. The new villan in the upcoming Star Trek flick is Khan Noonien Singh, the revenge-hungry baddy of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Mr. Roarke.

Oh. Wait. You mean, you came here to find out who S.C. Gov. Nikki Haley is going to appoint to Jim DeMint's vacant U.S. Senate seat. My bad.

Well, according to Peter Hamby of CNN, it's going to be one of five people:

1. Former S.C. Attorney Gen. Henry McMaster
2. Former S.C. First Lady Jenny Sanford
3. U.S. Rep. Trey Gowdy
4. DHEC head Catherine Templeton
5. U.S. Rep. Tim Scott

Hmm. They're all interesting picks, but only two are legit contenders. Henry McMaster is a Columbia slumlord and the former member of a whites-only country club. Jenny Sanford is a lady cuckold who endorsed Herman Cain — even after his affair allegations surfaced. Catherine Templeton is a Haley lackey who refuses to work in the state capital of Columbia, unlike the other bigwigs, and she's partially to blame for the whole Boeing-NLRB mess.

So that leaves Trey Gowdy, a smart and ambitious Spartanburg rep who has been making a name for himself lately bashing President Barack Obama, and Tim Scott, a true GOP superstar who is immensely likable and hardworking and, well, black. And it's that latter quality that'll get him appointed since, well, there hasn't been a single black Republican in the Senate for over 30 years and the GOP has finally realized they can no longer win the presidency with the support of angry white men alone.

Cheers to Republican-style affirmative action.

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