They're out there, you know.
Each one featuring an act so depraved that even thinking about them stains the soul and warps the mind.
And they all feature me.
Oh God no.
There I am in bed, shirtless and smoking a cigarette next to a blurry photo of Will Folks and Nikki Haley engaged in a fuzzy embrace.
There I am buying goblets with Joe Wilson in the Middle East while I'm stoned out of my gourd on top of the line hashish and taxpayer dollars.
There I am passed out on a pizza box filled with airline tickets in Charleston School Board member Elizabeth Kandrac's otherwise empty abode. Where she is, I do not know. In fact, I've never seen her.
There I am at a USC computer lab showing Alvin Greene last night's episode of Jersey Shore, seconds before I ask him if he wants to go get some snooki.
Of course, as embarrassing as those photos are, they're nowhere near as bad as the photo of Glenn McConnell that hit the interwebs yesterday, you know, the one featuring the South Carolina Senate president dressed in a Confederate uniform flanked by two African-American, um, Gullah historians wearing period appropriate clothing.
Now, we know Glenn has a penchant for dressing up as a soldier boy on occasion. Heck, he used to even own a Confederate heritage store. And there's nothing wrong with that. If the Rebel Alliance is good enough for Luke Skywalker, it's good enough for me.
Glenn, buddy, didn't you take a moment to think about what would happen if these photos got out to the general public?
Obviously, you didn't. And well, the photos did, and now everybody thinks you're a racist asshole and that everybody who attended the event where the photos were taken are too.
You're a good man, Glenn. We like you. But damn, dude, next time put on your thinking cap when you decide to dress up like Johnny Reb.