After months of speculation, Carroll "Tumpy" Campbell III has entered the First Congressional District race against the Republican Workhorse, Henry Brown. Smokey Bear was at Tumpy's side when he made the announcement.
About the Smokey part, not that some bloke named Tumpy actually thinks he has a future in D.C., and he's going to start by challenging a longtime incumbent.
Sounds like the name of a Pokemon character, you know, the one that looks like a dirt brown toad and squirts a tarry substance out its mouth that makes the victim forget that South Carolina politics isn't currently a cesspool of shame and self-destructive narcissism. (I can see Mark Sanford now, after such a horrible attack, starring into a pig trough saying, "Pig trough, pig trough, in which we wallow, who is the most delusional of them all?")
Now that Tumpy has entered the race, fans of the '80s can rejoice. Not only is Tumpy the son of former Gov. Carroll Campbell, who served South Carolina from 1986 to 1994, but Tumpy is a big fan of 30-year-old pop culture references. Consider this bit from The Post and Courier:
Carroll Campbell III, a Charleston businessman and son of former Gov. Carroll Campbell, formalized his entry into the 1st Congressional District race Wednesday and wasted no time blasting a fellow Republican, incumbent Rep. Henry Brown.
"I have been in the Wendy's restaurant business. And when I take a look at Mr. Brown's record, I have to ask, 'Where's the beef?'" Campbell said. "Unfortunately, Mr. Brown's beef is nothing but pork."
Well, Tumpy, that's three strikes against you.
One, I love bacon.
Two, I hate John Hughes movies.
Three, I go to Burger King. The double cheeseburger is the best burger in the world.